“I’m freezing my eggs to take the pressure off finding Mr Right,” says Dr Nikki Goldstein.
Dr Nikki is 29 and she’s done her research. She has a degree in psychology, has worked as a family mediator assisting the process of divorce and she’s also a sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She has also just published a book called #singlebutdating.
And now she has decided to freeze her eggs.
The reason? She wants to take some pressure of trying to find the right man to have children.
“Fertility is one of the biggest issues impacting woman’s dating choices these days,” Dr Nikki says.
“Do we choose to settle for Mr Right Now instead of waiting for Mr Right because of our biological clocks? It seems so unfair that our minds have progressed and we have so many choices in life, yet our biological clocks have not shifted with the optimal age to give birth still being very young,” she says.
She says there is a stigma associated with freezing her eggs at her age.
“99.9% of people I tell say: ‘Don’t be silly you’ve got time’, ‘You’re too young to worry about that’, ‘Are you putting your career first?’ The last comment drives me crazy considering I work from home and set my own hours. I’m not choosing my career I’m choosing my life. Even if I found Mr Right NOW – I still would not want children at this moment. I want to experience my life before I devote it to a child,” she says.
If your boss would pay to freeze your eggs, would you do it?
Dr Nikki believes so much of how women date is pressured by the loud ticking biological clock.
“By freezing my eggs I’ve removed that ticking clock. I want to date who I want to date and fall in love rather than be desperate to find someone to have a baby with. It’s giving me more options to have a happy relationship first then a baby second, ” she says.
Some people say I should not be so fussy and just get married so I can have kids. But because my background was helping people divorce for a living, I know I want to be a happy parent. I don’t want the added drama of a dysfunctional relationship. I think it’s important to not pass down negative role modelling to children. Children from divorced families are more likely to get divorced because that’s what they know,” she says.
Top Comments
If Dr Nikki had a medical degree, she'd know that egg freezing is highly unreliable and has a very low success rate. She's far better off getting a sperm donor and creating embryos to freeze.
I am sorry but I think one of the core problems here is the idea that Mr Right really exists in the perfect form that Dr Goldtsein is expecting. He doesn't. Even if he's perfect now, in 10 yrs after children, time and familiarity have taken their toll he may not be. There are a lot of great guys out there that get dismissed by women, and if you have things in common, are attracted to each other, he loves you and are harmonious that's good enough. I have friends that are still single aged 37 because no one was good enough for long term commitment. My advice is that if you get to 30 and nothing is on the horizon, you are probably being too picky. And yes being too picky does exist, and no the perfect man does not. Frozen eggs and such is really making it complicated, the idea that it's that clinical and simple. Everyone I know that has done IVF has found it an utterly harrowing process, expensive, tortuous on the body and emotions and not guaranteed. Just have a baby early if you can, by 35, the first one anyway. If it works out with him, great, if it doesn't well that's okay too. Many of the divorced couples, if not most that Dr Nikki worked with would have thought each other were Mr and Mrs Right when they got married. This idea that heaps of people settle is offensive. People fall in love and sometimes it doesn't work out, if you never let anyone in then you will end up with no one.
Oh gosh. You have reduced this down to women being too picky and dismissing great guys. What if great girls are able to find great guys but not ones willing to have children as is SO often the case. You can have a partner, but he has to be willing to conceive and have kids with you - remember? A lot of men are also wasting the time of fantastic women wanting kids who are in their 20s and 30s.