Dear 80s movies,
2017 sees your tray of oysters and raises it red ginseng candies.
Yep, aphrodisiacs have gone full foodie hipster and if you want to get it on tonight you’d better be prepared to start trawling the aisles of your local health food store for some really weird stuff.
Although the 2000 respondents to a recent Yelp survey said they usually grab a takeaway or eat some snacks with their one night stand, they might have been better off being a bit more strategic in their food choices, because what you eat can actually impact on your sexual experience.
It’s time to put down the soggy kebab and pick up the, erm, banana, people.
Here’s a comprehensive list of everything you (apparently) need to get in the mood in 2017:
Red ginseng candies
Studies have shown this nifty little herbal remedy is improves libido, testosterone levels, and sperm health.
Maca cookie dough
Although it looks like dried sheep testicles (how do I know that) Peruvian maca root is all about boosting sexual desire - kind of like Channing Tatum.
You just have to get over the whole dried sheep testicle thing.
Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?
The capsaicin in chili peppers releases endorphins in your brain, giving you a rush of excitement in the bedroom. Just make sure you wash your hands, people.
Yep, we're literally talking about monkey piss. In Zimbabwe the locals drink baboon urine with beer to get them in the mood.
They say watermelon is the Viagra of the fruit world (well 'they' don't say that, I say that). Watermelon contains citrulline, which relaxes the blood vessels in much the same way as Viagra does and it's pretty tasty too.
LISTEN: Is Sex On A Plane A Thing?
Stop snickering. These
yellow penises phallic shaped fruits contain potassium which in theory should increase muscle strength and deliver more intense orgasms.
Chocolate is a feelgood food that releases endorphins. You should probably eat some right now, even you if don't plan to have sex this century.
On the other hand, if you're planning to make sweet, sweet love you should avoid any foods that trigger intolerances for you, and go easy on the salt. You should also avoid beans and cabbage for obvious reasons. No one wants to feel bloated and, erm, farty in the bedroom.
Got any other aphrodisiac suggestions? Tell us about them in the comments below.