real life

The 8 signs you’re in a beautiful, deeply committed relationship with food.

Forget marriage – a relationship with food is truly forever.

The world can be divided into two types of people: those who eat to live, and those who live to eat.

While some consider what they put into their mouth as fuel, for others it’s the longest, most intimate relationship they’ve ever had.

Chocolate doesn’t break up with you on Christmas Eve and sushi won’t stand you up on a blind date. Fruit salads never ignore your phone calls and guacamole never blows you off to spend time with its mates.

And while the relationship can be hard at times (like when a cafe doesn’t put enough Vegemite on your toast) in the end it’s always worth it.

If you find yourself doing these eight things, you know you are in a serious relationship with food.

Just as an FYI, this post is sponsored by SodaStream. But all opinions expressed by the author are 100 per cent authentic and written in their own words.

1. You think about food all the time.

It’s the first thing you think of when you wake up and it’s on your mind until you go to sleep at night. When something good happens in your life it’s the only thing you want to celebrate with – a box of anniversary chocolates, a birthday cake, or a celebratory bottle of bubbly.

Related: From happy to hangry: The 12-step emotional guide to a hunger-induced meltdown.

And when something bad happens, it’s the first thing you go to for support and comfort because you know it’ll never let you down.

2. You can’t go more than a few hours without being together.

Not a second of the day goes by without thinking of your beloved. Any minute between snacks is spent thinking about the next time you will see a packet of cashews or feel the tender embrace of a hot slice of pizza.

If kept apart for too long, the results are dangerous for anyone in the immediate vicinity. Snacks are routinely kept on hand in pockets, handbags and desk drawers.

3. You’ve introduced it to your family.

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Your love of food is by far the greatest thing in your life so of course you want to share that with your nearest and dearest. Oh, and if they don’t like what you bring to the table, you will be deeply, deeply offended.

4. You show it off whenever you can.

When you’re truly in love you want everyone to know, so you’re one of those people who unashamedly Instagrams every good-looking meal.

You couldn’t possibly hold back when it comes to showing off how amazing your bae looks and tastes.

5. You’ve blown off plans with friends just to be with food.

Euuurgh makeup… shoes… pants!? Food doesn’t care about any of that, food accepts you for who you really are.

And sure, so do your best mates, but it takes a lot of effort to go out in public to meet up with them. And when plans don’t involve food, the incentive is even lower.

Related: If only quitting sugar was really this hilarious.

On more than one occasion you’ve blown off plans with friends to hang out with a cheese platter and a glass of wine. But yeah, if they want to be a third wheel they can come over and join.

6. You get jealous when food hangs out with other people.

It’s hard to see someone eating their lunch as you sit alone, food-less. Especially when you know they won’t appreciate it like you do.

7. You’ve travelled a ridiculous amount of time or distance to be with it.

Your commitment to food knows no bounds. Whatever the time and whatever the distance, if food calls – you’ll be there in a heartbeat.

8. Being with it makes you instantly happy.

No matter how amazing or terrible your day might be going, food will always make it better. That special meal makes you a better person. It completes you.

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