It’s the time of year when lots of people are putting on Santa hats and flying to their loved ones. Which means one thing. Air rage.
People who leave their jackets on until they get to their seat. People who slam their seats backwards into my lunch. People who fart and don’t pretend to look around.
I have hated and been all of these passengers. Source: Twitter.
DISCLAIMER: I once fell asleep and drooled on the shoulder of the lady next to me. Neither of us looked each other in the eye all the way to the baggage carousel and beyond. I also once fell asleep (sensing a pattern?!) so heavily that I didn’t hear any of the announcements, and when the plane touched down and jolted me awake, I screamed because I thought we were crashing. I’m not perfect.
Regardless, let’s make a communal effort to be good passengers, so our only concern is how much Jetstar is charging for a shit cardboard sandwich, and why the pilot sounds stoned*.
How To: Not Be A Shitty Flight Passenger (or, How To: Give a Flying F*ck)
1. Calm the fuck down, we all WILL get on and off the plane. There is no need for you to stand in a huge queue to get on board. There is no need for you to push in the line. There is no need for you to stand up the moment the aeroplane wheels connect with the tarmac, with your head bent at an uncomfortable angle under the seatbelt sign, in a bid to be the first to de-board. The flight attendants will stand there calmly until the plane is full/empty, and whether you are the first or last one on/off the plane, you are still going to have to wait for another fifteen minutes until the flight taxis out or the baggage hits the carousel. So Calm. The fuck. Down.
Top Comments
Or... you could be me, travelling with a 12, 10, 4 and 2x2 yr olds. The look of horror on the face of fellow passengers as me and my kids board our flight, as they shrink into their chairs (I wait til last to get on because really, as if I want to be on there longer than I have to, AND I never have spare hands to carry all my shit, so have to organise myself at my seat) praying we're not sitting next to them Mwahahahaha!
#1, 4 and 9!!! Yes! Especially #1 whilst boarding a long haul flight. What's the desperate rush to cram ourselves into that tin cigar? I'd rather be last on the plane any day. We've all been allocated seats, so it's not first in, best dressed after all …
I like to be one of the first on the plane for the sole reason that as someone who keeps to the baggage restrictions, I don't feel like I should have to travel with my carry on stowed under the seat in front of me because the airlines don't enforce their carry on rules. If I get on first/early, I get a spot in the overhead locker!