By KATE LEAVER
Stiletto fans, you’re not going to like this.
Sneaker fiends, you will.
THIS JUST IN: HIGH HEELS ARE DEAD.
Dead, dying, gone, over. Out of fashion.
Don’t take it from me; I’ve never been a fan of those pointy little fuckers and I’m not an authority on fashion. These are my favourite shoes, just so you know who you’re dealing with here:
In an article called “Are High Heels Dead?” (spoiler: yes), Christina Brinkley wrote for the Wall Street Journal:
Running shoes, Birkenstocks, Teva-type hiking sandals and Adidas-style slides were among the low shoes with a high profile during the recent spring fashion shows on the runway—and in the audience. Wide, flat footbeds, toe room, cushiony soles. Slaves to fashion have never been so comfortable.
She made her point visually too, with this beautiful pair of pinky goldy sneakers some famous Italian dude called Brunello Cucinelli made for Spring. Apparently, their very existence proves that heels are out and flats are in.
You know who else released flats this season? A list of people I’ve never heard of, that’s who: Pierre Hardy, Fendi, Carven, Fausto Puglisi, Hedi Slimane for Saint Laurent. They’re all very important, apparently, and have the very strange, specific power to dictate which pieces of fabric we wrap around our feet.
Truly, all those European style tycoons could have come to me years ago, when I drew this very handy, definitely scientifically valid graph:
(I really should have slipped THIS GUY a copy when I met him a few years ago. That’s Christian Louboutin, the guy who makes the shoes with the bright red soles – something I definitely knew when I posed for this photograph.)