Controversial opinion: sometimes getting drunk is way cool.
It’s way cool because alcohol has a magical power. For better or worse, it has the ability to transform our entire identity: our beliefs; our concept of right/wrong/appropriate/inappropriate; our feelings of self consciousness. And (definitely) our levels of coordination.
When we drink, all these things are altered from their normal state. And as the process of intoxication progresses, our drunk persona shimmies its way out from its lil' cave to run wild. And when it does? You fundamentally change as a person.
So. While you're at the bar this weekend - wine in hand - watching your friends make giggly fools of themselves on the dance floor, be extra judgmental. We implore you. Here are the five categories that every drunk persona falls into:
1. The Angry Drunk
drink of choice:
- Completely chilled out when sober.
- Always the first person to get drunk.
- LOUD. And sweary.
- Unloads sexual frustration by cat calling women. Shouts when they don't respond by taking their clothes off.
- Passes out drooling in bush at end of night.
- "Oi seriously bro I'll smash you."
- "Did that guy just look at me funny?"
- Do NOT engage.
- Distract with food.
- Run, before you get groped.
2. The Wandering Drunk