When the “athleisure” trend first started popping up everywhere, I was the first to chuck on my gym tights and declare them a legitimate fashion item.
What an exciting time to be alive! I thought to myself. A time where gym gear is totally acceptable at my mother-in-law’s, at brunch, at the supermarket.
Nike Free trainers and colourful printed tights became about as ubiquitous as the Kardashians. There were rainbows. Sunshine.
But now, dear friends, the clouds have gathered and the athleisure movement has gone too far. I present to thee, the Fitness Onesie.
Image: Adidas Stella McCartney collection, $70.
I repeat, the Fitness ONESIE (FO). The fact it’s a clear abuse of the athleisure trend aside (there’s nothing leisurely about this abomination), this is one highly impractical outfit.
I don’t know any human beings who delight in being in a constant state of wedgie (both front and back, do you? Surely it’s like Guantanamo Bay for your genitals down there.
Let's not even begin to start on the primary school dance eisteddfod flashbacks I'm having right now.
Comfort aside (because we all know comfort isn’t 100 per cent essential when it comes to farshun) the FO goes against the basic principles of any self-respecting gym goer: it makes you stick out. Like walking around all day with at least four squares of toilet paper trailing from your shoe.
If you are looking to ensure that every time you walk into a fitness class people’s heads turn your way - wear this.