People have secrets. Often, when you love someone, you share even your best kept secrets because you don’t want to burden that person with finding out the facts later on down the track. Because then it gets messy.
Reddit user, Throwaway_help57, knows all about how messy secrets can be when she went into CIA mode and managed to find out there is a good chance the man she’s supposed to be marrying is addicted to “hookers”.
Firstly, she found the Reddit threads he was attached to, and commented on, were all related to prostitution and casual sex. She also saw he was regularly (as in, daily) browsing through the casual encounters section of Craigslist. The third hint came in the way of the words 'I'm busy', a phrase her fiancé uses often when she calls to see how he is at work. He says he is swamped, or "slammed", and can't possibly pause for a moment to chat about the weather.
And yet, he has enough time to locate sex workers in their local area.
"He told me a month ago that hookers were his fetish. It wasn't a curiosity about the 'underbelly of the city' or whatever. He's got a thing for hookers. He admitted it. Of course then he said it was in his past (10+ years ago), he didn't think about doing that anymore, and he just told me in the spirit of honesty and opening up to me.
So when a guy I've already had multiple issues with only thinks to tell me he's been with hookers 3+ years into our relationship after I've had a feeling there was something he wasn't telling me, he's been deceptive in the past, and I've always had issues consistently pleasing him, YES, I caved and jumped at the opportunity to snoop on his phone. I find all history wiped clean, no trace of anything, almost all texts deleted, except he forgot to clear the history in a chrome browser he downloaded."
She does admit that snooping on his phone wasn't the best idea, and points to the clear lack of trust in their relationship.
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Commenters were quick to call her fiancé a some not very nice names, helpful under the current circumstances we're sure, and demand she leave him immediately. Someone also collectively summarised all of the issues of the case. Like a true lawyer would. Thank you, applekins20.
"You are practically being strangled by all of the red flags around and yet you still won't wake up.
- Your fiancé was/is an alcoholic
- Your fiancé is a liar
- Your fiancé is not sexually satisfied with you
- Your fiancé likes the company of prostitutes
- Your fiancé is cheating on you
- Your fiancé doesn't respect you
- You have never felt intimately close to your fiancé
"Here's the hard truth. Guys like your fiancé like women like you because you provide stability and allow him to behave in whatever way he likes. I wouldn't be surprised if the reason why you two are engaged is because he wanted you to stop bothering him about something.
"I don't know what's holding you back from leaving him. Scared to be alone? Embarrassed? Whatever the reason you need to stop worrying and tear off the bandaid. You will never be happy with him."
Others were less judgemental on her part but still managed to get the same point across: dump him.
- "I mean, you've got pretty much all the evidence you need here. Don't marry this dude." - OliviaPresteign
- "Do you want a divorce and a few STDs for your 40th birthday? Because if that's what you want, marry this man." - ShadowBanHans
- "Do you need permission to get away from this shady a*shole? Because if so, you've got it. He's clearly into prostitutes, sees them regularly, and manipulates you so do you don't know what he's doing. Do you honestly think that he'd ever make a good husband to you or a good father to any children you may have together?" - risenanew
- "You're putting your health and sanity at risk. Stop wasting your time on a man that would rather buy sex from someone that doesn't even like him than have sex with someone who loves him. He's a loser." - ch0k3
What would you do in this situation? Cut and run?