How a Perth DJ learned the secret to orgasmic bliss.
Girls will often confide with each other about their sex lives, but even today most are too embarrassed to speak about it openly.
One of the common topics among close friends is whether our partners can make us orgasm.
A wide variety of online surveys tell me about 75 per cent of women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone — they’ll only get there with toys, tongue or touch.
Of course, many women are too embarrassed to introduce this kind of play into their sex lives.
I know in my early 20s I was too afraid to say to men what I really wanted or what felt good in the bedroom — so I just accepted that I probably would never orgasm.
In my very first relationship I think I reached climax maybe three or four times in our five and half years together. Neither of us knew what we wanted or how to get there.
Thankfully it’s a different story now. My partner and I have a healthy, exciting sex life.
Speaking about orgasms is taboo. I’m sure it’s even confronting for most people reading this.
The truth is women have been going unsatisfied for years because they’re too embarrassed to admit they’re not reaching climax. This can be with their partner or even when alone themselves.
There is a shockingly outdated myth that still persists that only some women can orgasm.
Growing up in a small country town of Bathurst in NSW, I never spoke about self-pleasure with my girlfriends because I was too embarrassed and to be honest I didn’t do it.
But, I’ve grown up and I’m a lot more confident now.
Women should feel comfortable, not awkward, about exploring their bodies and desires.
Today, in my 30s, I wanted to know more about my own body and I wanted to explore myself sexually a little more.
So I recently enrolled in Layla Martin’s six-week online “O Bliss” program. The course is all about using your mind along with exercises to reach climax.
Every week you receive a few short videos explaining the topic and how you complete the home play exercises.
Here’s a little intro, by Layla Martin herself. Let’s just say, this is the only one safe for work…(Post continues after video.)
These exercises you do on your lonesome, to try and take your body to orgasmic bliss. I thought I had awoken sexually, but I found I was totally out of my comfort zone. Who knew I was so uncomfortable being intimate with myself?
I would light candles, while rubbing my body in oils like Layla suggested then go on to do some of the exercises like; breast orgasms, honey pot meditation, sexy squeeze, inner smile, sensual river but I never orgasmed once.
I felt disappointed and frustrated. After week one’s exercises I went straight on to the private forum to share my horrible first attempt. Many women could relate.
When I spoke to Layla she suggested a few different methods to work on this. She told me to try the home play exercises with my partner to get me started.
Another tip was to visualise a female role model whether they were dead or alive and explore their femininity as I was struggling to embrace this alone time. The next thing Layla told me to do. I thought was a little weird.
She suggested visualising the female role model who I thought was sexy, awesome and empowered — self-pleasuring. At first I cringed but then gave it a go. It worked, it turned me on, but I didn’t reach climax.
I won’t tell you who it was otherwise I’d have to kill you. She suggested that working on myself was key to healthy sexuality.
She believes to develop true skills you must work on yourself and that a woman like me needs to visualise myself self-pleasuring.
I had to imagine that I was super sexually alive, super magnetic to men and really happy inside my body. I found that the women that were doing this course had come from bad relationships where they had little or no self-esteem or worth.
Others were a little older and had left long term relationships and other had been abused in the past.
Layla’s course would’ve been a godsend to me three years ago when I was living in Bunbury. I had bad body image issues and was treating myself like crap.
I had no respect for my body with what I ate and drank and I was completely uncomfortable with myself sexually. I slept with men to make myself feel better which only made my issues worse.
The course is not only about sexual desires but it’s about falling in love with yourself and being happy with who you are.
Although I didn’t reach orgasmic bliss, I learnt to explore and nurture my “lady garden”.
During our last conversation, Layla made a fascinating revelation before I hung up.
She said sexuality was “as important as diets, like in the same way we came to realise the way we put food into our bodies doesn’t just affect our digestive system, it affects the way we feel, how healthy we are, how alive and well we feel in our body”.
“Sexuality isn’t a compartmentalised box that goes on the shelf and it’s not connected to anything else,” she said.
“The way we make love, the way we feel about our orgasms and sensuality as a woman has wide ranging effects on your emotional state, on your emotional health, on how active and assertive you are in your career, in your power and how healthy your relationships are.”
Do you have any stories to share on the female orgasm? Have you got any tips?
This story was orginally published on Perth Now.
— You can hear Heidi on hit92.9 every morning for breakfast with Heidi, Will and Woody.
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