‘My friend will start trying for a baby at 41. Should I speak up, or just support her?’

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Sometimes, I send a group text.

“Help. Need girls night love-in. Who’s up for it?”

It happens when one of us needs a group hug – both physical and verbal. It’s usually followed by a night of champagne … where we are careful not to burst each others bubbles.

Sometimes, after being challenged all day at work and at home, we just want to be heard. When life is crashing in, we reach out to be held up. The group knows to validate a friend’s feelings, experiences, decisions and actions. That’s what friends are for – right?

Well, maybe. This week’s Debrief Daily podcast Just Between Us asks should we always nod and smile – or should we sometimes stand up and challenge each other?

You could validate me more Rebecca

Rebecca Huntley is jealous of worried about a friend who is 38 and has a much younger boyfriend: her friend flippantly mentioned she and her boyfriend have had "the baby talk" and decided they have plenty of time. They plan to wait three years or so before they even started trying for a baby. Rebecca's internal alarm started beeping faster than her friend's eggs were ageing.

She wanted to tell her it could be too late. She wanted to tell her there's no fairness in fertility. She wanted to shake her and tell her to get a wriggle on and get those wrigglers inside her.

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But she didn't.

To find out what she did - and to hear a discussion about when we talk tough with a friend verses hearing them out - listen below:

Bearing in mind a friend's facade could cover up deep anxiety about something, we think we've come up with some ground rules.

We also discuss the best book to give to a friend when the worst thing happens, and why ASIO and the FBI should recruit the mothers of young jihadis.

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