reality tv

Mamamia recaps Farmer Wants A Wife: One farmer makes it abundantly clear why he's single.

To catch up on all the Farmer Wants A Wife recaps and gossip, check out Mamamia’s recaps, and visit our Farmer Wants A Wife hub page. 

Hello. 

Yes. 

It's time for some polygamy, some sheep shearing, a bunch of tears, and a whole lot of cow poo, or as Channel 7 likes to call it - "true love". 

First up, we meet Farmer Alex who's a sheep and cattle farmer from Cunnamulla. Alex has never been in love before because of the five women who are on Tinder in his local area, four are just cows in dresses and wigs, having a lol. 

"HOW'S THE BANTS?" Image: Channel 7.  

Alex says he is 110 per cent "balls against the wall" ready to find true love and I've just spent a sizeable chunk of time thinking about the placement of balls on walls etc etc. 

"I'm not allowed back there." Image: Channel 7.  

ADVERTISEMENT

Next, we meet Farmer Harry. He farms all the things in central NSW. 

Harry is looking for a woman who is like a "John Deere tractor" to share some flies with. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

"I like long walks on the beach and mowing down shit." Image: Channel 7.  

Out third fella is Farmer Nick. He owns a vineyard which means... 

via GIPHY

PULL UP THE TRACTOR. 

The women have arrived from the "city" and they've assembled themselves in a barn. 

Next, the five farmers walk down the driveway with all the confidence of middle aged white men. 

Here's a helpful graphic to tell them apart: 

Some of them are wearing hats and some of them aren't. It's called diversity. Image: Channel 7.  

ADVERTISEMENT

The women respond accordingly to their arrival: 

via GIPHY

The men explain they just want to meet someone they can treat nicely and respectfully, and build a family with, and the women have never heard such bold claims. 

"Nah, seriously. I'm so confused." Image: Channel 7. 

Next we meet Farmer Sam. He's a nice Italian boy. So... PASTA. 

Having a paddock think. Image: Channel 7.  

ADVERTISEMENT

Our final fella is Farmer Neil. He's a divorcee who looks great in green. 

Seems legit. Image: Channel 7.  

The men and their eight wives break off into groups and the men "date" their potential wives one by one while the others make the most of the free wine. 

It goes a bit like this: 

TEARS. 

I JUST REALLY WANT TO MEET SOMEONE AND SETTLE DOWN, YA KNOW? 

You have really nice eyes. 

I caught a yabbi once. 

"It's a good opportunity to find myself a bloody girl, I suppose." 

MY WINE GLASS IS EMPTY. 

"We had really great banter." 

"Yeah there's a few yellow belly in the dam." 

HOWDY. 

Conga line Brittany: 

ADVERTISEMENT

"WOOHOO!" Image: Channel 7.  

"She goes alright, yeah." 

"Your eyes shine from your soul." 

"I want you to know that I'm here for the right reasons." 

"So Jessica..." 

"My name's Amy." 

THIS IS MY FIRST RODEO. 

WELL, IT'S GONNA BE A GREAT RIDE. 

We had a great connection. 

I've never actually milked a cow. 

THE SEXUAL CHEMISTRY. 

Yeah, nah. It was good. 

I'm tryin to dodge all the kangaroo poo. 

There's one of you and there's eight of us. 

CARBS. 

'I wouldn't have sex before marriage." 

"Give it a red hot go, I guess." 

BACK IT IN. 

The five farmers and their eight wives reassemble in the barn. The farmers are told they have to limit themselves to just four wives each. It's hard for them because that's a 50 per cent reduction in wives. 

Farmer Alex chooses Henrietta, Brittany, Jess and Sarah to get an all expenses paid trip to Cunnamulla. 

LUCKY GALS. Image: Channel 7.  

ADVERTISEMENT

Farmer Nick chooses Mary, Liz, Emma and Marnie to go to the vineyard. 

FREE WINE. Image: Channel 7.  

It's all going smoothly and then Farmer Sam is up. 

After choosing Emily, Sam says he didn't think much of the next girl when he first saw her but she actually has a nice personality and sir... no. 

WHAT 

ADVERTISEMENT

HAVE 

I DONE?  

ADVERTISEMENT

Sweetie has been on the farm for too long and has forgotten not to accidentally call a very attractive woman "a bit ugly" before inviting her to your farm for an unspecified period of time.

The woman he is referring to is Riley and she takes it like a legend. 

"FML." Image: Channel 7.  

He then chooses Kirsten and Sophie. 

Father-of-three Neil chooses Megan, Chantelle, Justine and Karissa. 

Farmer Harry picks Stacey, Ashley, Maddison and Alannah. 

The farmers then have to choose just one wife to take back to the farm for the first 24 hours. That's a further 75 per cent reduction in wives. 

Farmer Sam chooses Sophie, Farmer Neil picks Chantelle, Farmer Harry chooses Maddison, Farmer Nick picks Liz and Farmer Alex takes Jessica back to the farm. 

via GIPHY

UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT... IN THE BACK PADDOCK. 

For recaps delivered straight to your inbox, click here and select “Mamamia Recaps” so you don’t miss out on any of the laughs!

Feature image: Channel 7. 

For more from Keryn Donnelly, follow her on Facebook and Instagram

00:00 / ???