weddings

"The infuriating reason I don't want to go to my sister-in-law's wedding."

My parents have always taught me to be polite, that you should be kind and humble – but at what point do you stop? At what point do you say enough is enough?

There are two essential rules that my parents have bestowed upon me:

1. People don’t like to hear the truth.

There are many reasons for this rule. No one wants to hear that they are a bad person, or you don’t like them – sometimes you have pretend, you have to put your feelings aside and be mature in situations, for the benefit of everyone else.

2. You have to do things you don’t want to.

I don’t particularly enjoy cleaning the house but I have to do it . This rule also applies to socialising with people you may not like. Again, putting your feelings aside to avoid an argument and to satisfy others.

But please, someone explain to me, how long do you have to follow these rules? At what point can we just scream say, “OH MY GOD I can’t stand your selfish behaviour anymore!”

My sister-in-law is getting married in a matter of weeks.

In the build up to such event I would normally be organising my families outfits. If accommodation was required I would have organised it months in advance. I would be speaking to my children daily about the exciting event and even count down the days.

But I haven’t done anything for prepare myself or my family for this wedding. Why? Because, I honestly don’t care that she is getting married.

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Maybe I am a horrible person for saying that, but at what point do you start to care more about yourself then someone who frankly doesn’t like you?

I haven’t done anything to her to make her dislike me. I simply married her brother and have his children. I am a good mother, I have always been welcoming to her, I have gone out of my way to please her, to keep her updated in her nieces lives - but nothing seems to be good enough.

It is a relationship that requires too much effort. If she was my sister I would have told her to snap out of it, to step up and be a good auntie, to make an effort.

But she isn’t my sister, and it isn’t my place to say those things. I have to sit back and watch how she treats her entire family like dirt and somehow gets rewarded for this behaviour.

My children have no relationship with her, they don’t know anything about her and she lives in the same city as us. If we happen to see her at a family event she usually spends the entirety of the event on her phone, because god forbid you would want to have a relationship with your nieces.

Listen to Mamamia Out Loud: 'Til death do us part is over. Post continues after audio. 

Our eldest daughter started school this year, I thought, being in the same city as us she would come and see her off with us, she didn’t. She only messaged me to see how her first day went after she saw a post on my Instagram.

The only person we have met in her fiancé’s family is her fiancé, no family, no friends, no one. The only people we will know at her wedding will be our immediate family.

Is that normal?

The wedding is two hours away from where we live.

My husband has to take a day off work so we can attend - fuel, accomodation and naturally a gift. So, I asked what they would like as a gift, and was told: money.

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How much money do you give to someone who has nothing to do with you, and only invited you to her wedding because we are related to her? We have kids and a mortgage we can’t afford to fork out hundreds of dollars for a wedding that will already cost us a small fortune to simply attend.

Image via iStock.

Honestly, if we had a close relationship we would do everything we could to give her an amazing gift. But we don’t, and I honestly don’t understand why we keep making effort when we get nothing in return. Giving her a few hundred dollars isn’t going to make her like me.

I have tried to make excuses for her in the past, but ultimately, it's just not fair.

I have been questioning everything, reliving the past to try and figure out what we did, but I cannot pin point it, she just doesn’t and I am mentally exhausted. Do I continue to pretend or just give up? How many times can you try to have a relationship with someone before you give up? Is there a breaking point? When is it ok to care more about yourself then others?

Have you ever been in this situation? Would you still go to the wedding?