news

"People's reproductive plans are none of your business."

How right she is.

The message is blunt: People’s reproductive plans are none of your business.

And is a message that is being shared and liked right throughout the world by women agreeing with the words and wanting others to take note.

“You don’t know how your seemingly innocent question might cause someone grief, pain, stress or frustration.”

When Emily Bingham, a writer from Michigan, took to Facebook to appeal for the intrusive questions about fertility issues and social norms to stop she never expected this reaction. She never expected over 30,000 people to share it – many begging family and friends to take note.

The post asking for people not to plague reproductive-aged women with questions about their baby plans was accompanied by a random ultrasound photo she found on google to grab people’s attention. Emily pleaded with well-meaning friends, relatives and strangers to butt out.

In a comment underneath the post, Emily explained that the post was inspired by a friend who had gone through a stressful and heart-wrenching year of fertility treatments before she conceived her son only to be asked when baby number two would come just one month after giving birth.

She says “before you ask a single 30-something if/when s/he plans on having children because, you know, clock’s ticking … just stop. Please stop. You don’t know who is struggling with infertility or grieving a miscarriage or dealing with health issues.”

Emily postShe says perhaps instead people instead ask others what they’re “excited” about at the moment, or what the best part of their day was.

“Bottom line. Whether you are a wanna-be grandparent or a well-intentioned friend or family member or a nosy neighbor, it’s absolutely none of your business.”

baby socks
“You don’t know who is having relationship problems or is under a lot of stress or the timing just isn’t right. “
ADVERTISEMENT

She says “If a person wants to let you in on something as personal as their plans to have or not have children, they will tell you.

“If you’re curious, just sit back and wait and let them do so by their own choosing, if and when they are ready. ”

Her post in full reads:

Hey everyone!!! Now that I got your attention with this RANDOM ULTRASOUND PHOTO I grabbed from a Google image search, this is just a friendly P.S.A. that people’s reproductive and procreative plans and decisions are none of your business. NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Before you ask the young married couple that has been together for seemingly forever when they are finally gonna start a family … before you ask the parents of an only-child toddler when a Little Brother or Little Sister will be in the works … before you ask a single 30-something if/when s/he plans on having children because, you know, clock’s ticking … just stop. Please stop. You don’t know who is struggling with infertility or grieving a miscarriage or dealing with health issues. You don’t know who is having relationship problems or is under a lot of stress or the timing just isn’t right. You don’t know who is on the fence about having kids or having more kids. You don’t know who has decided it’s not for them right now, or not for them ever. You don’t know how your seemingly innocent question might cause someone grief, pain, stress or frustration. Sure, for some people those questions may not cause any fraught feelings — but I can tell you, from my own experiences and hearing about many friends’ experiences — it more than likely does.

Bottom line: Whether you are a wanna-be grandparent or a well-intentioned friend or family member or a nosy neighbor, it’s absolutely none of your business. Ask someone what they’re excited about right now. Ask them what the best part of their day was. If a person wants to let you in on something as personal as their plans to have or not have children, they will tell you. If you’re curious, just sit back and wait and let them do so by their own choosing, if and when they are ready.

 

As her post gathered momentum around the world being shared by woman – and men – Emily expressed her amazement with how it has been received saying the attention was “crazy.”

One woman posted it with the words “Everyone I know read this NOW then shut up” She tailed the post saying “Emily Bingham, I don’t know you but I love you.”

Emily Bingham FI 1
One woman wrote to Emily ““Emily Bingham, I don’t know you but I love you.”

Another: I love this! I really do not like the term “start a family”! I started my family the day I got married! Heck the day I realized I was in a relationship with the man I was going to marry! Children are NOT the start of a family but simple an addition to the family already started!

Emily’s own brother even commented ” Wow sis. Powerful words.”

And it seems that more than 30,000 others agree.

FROM OUR NETWORK
00:00 / ???