12 completely standard food items that no one can afford anymore.

“Four bucks for a glass of non-alcoholic drink? It’s literally water and air.”

Whole Foods Market, a healthy supermarket chain in the US, is trying to sell ‘asparagus water’ for $6.

Literally, three pieces of asparagus in a bottle of water. FOR SIX BUCKS.

Sigh. This is where the world is going. A world where we have to pay through the nose for the simplest of things. Where a cup of tea and a piece of toast in a cafe costs a week’s wage. Where you have to sell your car to afford petrol.

Stop it, world. Please stop.

Whole Food’s ‘asparagus water’. Image: Instagram/Marielle m.n.o.p

Some things in life are worth it, of course. And you get what you pay for. And money doesn’t buy happiness. And blah blah blah all the cliché money proverbs etc. Life is expensive, and you have to like it or lump it (or live in a cardboard box and eat free sand).

But these 12 things are just too much. Too much money, too much pretension, and too much profit margin for the seller.

1. Soda water at the bar.

Four bucks for a glass of non-alcoholic drink? It’s literally water and air.

2. Toast in a café.

You just want some cooked bread and some Vegemite. But these days, you’ll pay up to $9. There are up to 24 slices in a loaf of bread. Well played, cafés.

3. Avocado toast.

While we’re on the subject of toast, has anyone else noticed that Smashed Avo is slowly creeping up to $15+? Avocados are about four dollars. Bread is cheap. Come on.

Not cheap. Image via Instagram @locrifa

4. Tea.

In supermarkets, you can buy 100 teabags for $3.50. That’s 3.5 cents a cup. In cafés? $4. That’s a 99% profit margin. Obviously, the teas are getting fancier, but still. Calm down.

5. Eggs and $5 sides.

Eggs themselves are getting more expensive, but if you throw in a hash brown (which is probably worth 50 cents), some bacon (maybe a dollar), and a few mushrooms, you’re looking at one overpriced brunch.


6. House wine.

The whole appeal of drinking the no-name wine at the bar is that it used to be cheap. Now, you might pay nine or ten dollars. Sure, it might be better wine, but after three glasses who cares?

And yet, it probably cost ten bucks a glass.

7. Smoothies.

Ahhh, smoothies. They used to be so simple. A kids menu item, even. And now, in all their almond milk, cacao, spirulina, protein powder glory, they cost as much as a meal.

8. Op shops.

We blame the hipsters for this one. You used to be able to buy a second-hand tie (for costumes, or to wrap it in a Hermes box and give it as a gift) for 30 cents. Now that shopping ‘vintage’ is so fashionable, the Salvos ties are $6 minimum, and go up to $15. Ah well, at least it’s a good cause…

9. Corkage.

Expensive wine plus four bucks a head for ‘corkage’. I’ll just use my hip flask, thanks.   

Increasing prices since 2012.

10. Activated almonds.

Don’t call anything organic, or you’ll pay triple for it.

11. 600 mL coke.

Sometimes, a smaller bottle of soft drink is MORE EXPENSIVE than a 1.5L bottle. Why? Because you pay for convenience. Dammit.

This bottle probably cost $18. Image via Instagram.

12. Parmas.

Remember a good $10 parma night at the local pub? Now, it’s $15 on parma night, and $23+ on any other night. But… so… delicious…

And then there’s credit card surcharges, rising EFTPOS minimums, ATM fees, parking meters… We could go on and on. It’s a hard life, and an expensive one at that. But usually, though we grumble, we pay the extortionate amount anyway, because c’est la vie.

Except for the asparagus water. Ain’t nobody buying that.

What are some things you’ve had to give up because they’re just too damn expensive? 

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