We bet you never saw these things coming.
Congratulations you’ve grown a penis. That’s quite an achievement.
I know one Mum who even grew five. All in four years.
(Can you imagine how many times a day she hears the phrase “that’s quite a handful”)?
It’s a bit of a foreign land isn’t it? The penis. The doodle. The pee-pee. The winky-tinky. But that’s just it though. As good as we are at those grown up penises (come on don’t blush) when it comes to those teeny tiny ones it’s a foreign land.. a loooonnngggg way away.
But congrats mum-to-be you are having a boy, so it’s time to step up and deal with that dangly thing inside your little guy’s nappy. I’m here to make sure you are prepared. Yeah yeah you’ve got three giant boxes of nappies and more burp cloths than you new existed.
You’ve folded all those tiny button down onsies and examined in great detail exactly how to get the organic baby wipes into the re-usable container.
Now it’s time for a reality check. Your little fella is going to come out hollering his head off, covered in slimy goo and with a set between his legs that is going to make you gasp.
1. Baby boys are born with really big testicles.
Don’t be shocked, it’s not a permanent state of affairs. Before your partner starts to take the credit remind him of this fact. It’s got nothing to do with genetics it’s due to the pressure exerted your newborn during birth, and by fluid trapped in his tissue.
All babies when they are born have mum's hormones swirling about their bodies, in boys it can cause swollen balls.
You are having trouble reading past that header right? The association of a chubbie and your snuggly bundle of baby-blue newness. Yeah sorry ‘bout that, but better to be forewarned right?
Those baby boners are completely natural, but I have to say they make things damn awkward when you are struggling to get a nappy on.
3. He will pee in your face.
In your hair, perhaps your mouth, most definitely your arms. It’s just the general direction seems determinedly face ways.