Last week, I decided to go to the movies with a few friends.
I was expecting it to be rather pleasant, and was quite looking forward to an $8 frozen coke made of GODDAMN GOLD.
But instead, it nearly killed me.
You see, my two friends are pretty laid back or “chill” as the cool kids would say. As we walked into the movies they plonked themselves down dead center. “Oh, wowie”, I thought. “We got pretty good seats didn’t we!” That was until…
I looked at our tickets and it became overwhelmingly clear that we were not sitting in our allocated seats.
I panicked. My breathing became faster. My palms got all sweaty. My knees began to shake.
If I had to design hell, it would look a lot like someone I do not know approaching me to inform me that I am sitting in their seat. I spend my entire life trying to avoid socially uncomfortable situations, and this was practically inviting one.
I felt like yelling at every person who walked in "IS THIS YOUR SEAT? I can move. I can...leave. You know what, I'll leave. And please have my frozen coke. You want popcorn? Small or large?"
This frankly traumatic experience prompted me to think about other forms of modern day torture that are so socially excruciating they keep you up at night.
Liking someone's old photo on Instagram or Facebook
There are few times in life where I exercise more caution than when I'm 114 weeks deep on someone's Instagram feed.
But it's been a solid 15 minutes of stalking. You become fatigued. Your scrolling becomes less controlled. Until BOOM - the routine scroll becomes a double tap and you've just humiliated yourself beyond repair.
It's usually someone I very vaguely know. As in well enough for them to recognise my face, but not well enough to be liking pictures from their Euro trip in mid 2014.
For a moment you can't breath. You think "UNLIKE UNLIKE MAYBE THEY WON'T SEE IT". Then you throw your phone across the room and clutch your mouth in horror.