Etiquette is the worst because no matter how hard you try you’re always doing it wrong.
My etiquette skills aren’t up to scratch at the best of times. My elbows sit on the table because that is where they belong and how else is one meant to sit, I never know how to greet someone so I do an awkward half-handshake-half-kiss on their… ear, and whenever I say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ I’ve thought about it for too long and tried far too hard to make it sound sincere, so it comes out making everyone – mostly the person I’m trying to thank – feel extremely uncomfortable.
And look. Etiquette when it makes sense is fine. It gives us a script for how to behave which is helpful given no one has any f*cking idea what they’re doing.
Sometimes I think etiquette might be taking the piss.
LISTEN: Etiquette might just be my greatest weakness. Post continues below…
Apparently, there are a number of etiquette rules we are all breaking, and a woman named Joy Weaver is not very happy about it.
The author of How to Be Socially Savvy in All Situations, which sounds like the precise opposite of my entire life story, says we are all in need of a crash course in how to be proper.
Here are the five most UNACCEPTABLE… precisely all of which I have broken.
1. Never cough into your right hand.
… But why?
Weaver says that covering your mouth when you sneeze and/or cough is good manners (PHEW) but for goodness sake, “your right hand is your social hand”.
“It should be available for shaking hands, waving and blowing kisses,” she explains, and I have never in my life blown a kiss.
Your left hand is your “personal” hand for scratching (… ew) and sneezing etc.
2. You're (obviously) sitting all wrong.
I knew slumped over with my chin on my laptop and a leg under my bum probably wasn't...