by EM RUSCIANO
Take a deep breath, check your judgement, sense of reality and judgement at the door, because we be entering… BRYNNDERLAND!
The second I hear Lawrence Mooney’s dulcet tones informing me that we’re in for musicals, acting classes and shopping I know this show is going to appeal to every aspect of my soul. I co-hosted “The Circle” (R.I.P) with Lawrence many times and he is essentially a hilarious, homicidal teddy bear. Cuddly, lovely and vicious all at the same time.
It’s a GENIUS choice for narrator and a perfect balance to Brynne’s strawberry scented, glitter covered loveliness.
The opening scenes show Brynne in her “day time closet”. She admits she doesn’t spend much money on her day time looks – in fact, there is nothing in that cupboard worth more than $5000. Remember her other half is worth $150 mil – so while most of us would really only consider dropping $5k on a dress that was white and meringue shaped – for Brynne, it’s just a drop in the ocean.
Brynne, like me, is a fan of the day time sequin. Girlfriend be dripping in the stuff by 8am. I imagine she must find sequins and diamantes in places, cracks and orifices you wouldn’t dream about.
Brynne and I have something else in common! She (like me) buys new clothes to avoid washing her dirty ones. Brynne simply cannot deal with the mess in her wardrobe(s) so she just nips out to purchase new outfits instead. SNAP LADY! Why just last week I almost resorted to wearing bikini bottoms as undies to work due to the lack of clean washing in my house but decided against it and popped up to the supermarket (sans undies) to buy a pair!
Soon we’re at a red carpet event and this is where we first spy Dr Geoff, Brynne’s cashed up, 69-year-old husband. Cue my 10-year-old daughter exclaiming: “Wait, what?! That’s her husband? But… I don’t understand? He is old. Proper old. Not just old, but OLD”!
Word eldest child. Word. No amount of “Just for men” or “Ed Hardy” clothing is going to mask the massive age gap. I explained that sometimes you can’t control who you fall in love with and left it at that.
Brynne and Geoff were there to support Brynne’s “friend” Josh Horner who was performing in “A Chorus Line” that evening. The same “friend” who called her a “bedazzled sack of potatoes” when she was a contestant on “Dancing with the Stars” and he one of the judges.
When Brynne arrived in his dressing room, he exuded about as much warmth as a rattle snake. I sincerely hope their “friendship” is one just for the cameras because Josh appears to have zero respect for Brynne. I found myself screaming at the TV “Honey any of my gay mafia would give their left testicle to join your crew. Drop that jealous toad and MOVE ON”.