I’m sorry, but I hate your engagement photos.
I’ve never once seen an engagement photo of my parents. They didn’t have a sunset shoot in the back alley of a restaurant gazing deep into each other’s eyes. There was no photographer that asked my mom to stand behind my dad, wrap her arms around him, rest her head on his shoulder, and strategically flash her engagement ring to the camera. My dad never posed with his hands on my mom’s face as they laughed with their foreheads touching, only to have to do it again because the photographer wasn’t entirely sure if the first photo turned out.
Do you want to see some celebrity engagement photos? Yes you do. (Post continues after gallery.)
But something in the last 30 years has changed, and the world requires these photoshoots for newlyweds now. It’s a “if they didn’t get photographed lying on the ground in a pile of leaves, did they even get engaged?” situation. Quite frankly, the world doesn’t need to see you guys giving each other piggyback rides and holding a chalkboard with your wedding date on it.
Where did you even get these vintage wood signs that say “His” and “Hers” with arrows pointing to each other? Is there an engagement photo accessory market that I’m unaware of? The signs might as well point to each other and say, “I wear the pants” and “I’m just here so I don’t get yelled at.”
Why are you guys standing in the middle of a field? How did you get that perfect glow around your heads? Why are you sharing an ice cream cone? Why did you make your fiancé wear that gingham shirt from J. Crew that every other guy in the world has? I just fundamentally don’t understand why you’re sitting in a rowboat looking like Tom Sawyer with your jeans rolled up.
What happened to the days where my Facebook and Instagram timelines were filled with college girls in Halloween costumes and drunken party photos that would just get deleted in the morning? Now, I’m just facing constant reminders that I’m the most single person out of all my friends, and that’s saying a lot.