By Christopher Anderson, a guest author on DivorcedMoms.com.
There are a lot of articles that attempt to explain how men can be better lovers, better husbands, or better boyfriends. And of course, there is no shortage of advice online telling men what it is that women really want. My web search for this last topic returned nearly one billion results in less than half a second.
Becoming a better man is a noble goal, but marriages and relationships involve more than one person. If we are truly invested in creating and fostering healthy relationships we need to help men better recognise how a stable and mature partner acts. But searches for articles on “how to tell if your partner is mature,” “signs your spouse is emotionally healthy,” and “indications your relationship is stable” all return far fewer hits.
Here are some important characteristics of healthy partners to help other men better recognise if their partner acts in mature, stable, and emotionally healthy ways.
"Here are some important characteristics of healthy partners." Image via Netflix.
1. He listens more than he speaks.
An emotionally mature person recognises that listening can be far more important than making sure that we are heard. In a world of constant information, chatter, and distraction a partner who can tune out the noise and really pay attention is not something we should take for granted. In addition, finding someone who can make space for someone else’s feelings to matter is a very important thing to look for in a partner.
2. She asks for the things she wants, instead of getting upset when you don’t provide the things she needs.
There’s an old saying, we can’t know what we can’t know. Fairytale ideals of romantic love ignore this truth. Instead, they presume that true love creates some kind of magical spiritual bond where we instinctively “know” our partners’ wishes, dreams, and desires. They also presume that we will always gladly give those things without hesitation, no matter the imposition of inconvenience it may place on us. That is an unrealistic and oftentimes dangerous presumption to hold.
"We can't know what we can't know." Image via Focus Features.
3. He talks about the things he fears without shaming or blaming himself or others, including you.
At the root of many fights are unspoken fears and doubts eating away at our trust for one another. It can be hard to openly discuss our fears with our partners, but when we make it a priority to make that a normal part of our relationships, it only helps to build better communication – which itself builds more trust and intimacy over time.