By: Claire for Divorced Moms.
Once it became known amongst my family and a few close friends that I was divorcing my husband and in love with another man, the most common question I received was whether or not it was an emotional or physical affair. I have wondered a lot to myself about the differences…and the need for people to know what boundaries had been crossed. I have also observed that most people are adamant in their feelings of which one is worse. I thought it strange that it would matter what KIND of affair I was having.
At the end of the day my decision to seek happiness outside my marriage was one that had little to do with any kind of reasoning. It was not a rational decision…and yet people want so badly to make a very selfish, irrational choice something that has to make sense.
Listen: Is electronically cheating a thing? Post continues…
My affair began as an emotional affair but it did not take long for it to become physical. The attraction between me and 40 (as he will be known) is undeniable. I think we both fought it off and hoped maybe just being friendly and not crossing any physical lines would mean we weren’t really doing anything wrong. However, in my heart and in my mind I knew I was in love with someone who was not my husband. It was an emotional affair that led to a physical affair with the emotions still in tow.
I’m sure if you were to ask my ex, the emotional affair is what hurt the most. I honestly think it is easier to overcome something that is purely physical. In the case of our marriage we were not trying to mend things. He had his own set of bad acts and my affair just made it abundantly clear we did not need to be together.
However, I have known couples who have survived both emotional and physical affairs so I am not saying it is not possible. It would just stand to reason that if there is no real bond between two people other than a physical attraction it would be much easier to walk away.
The emotions I felt for 40 were unlike the emotions I had ever felt for any other man. It was the early days of flirting and talking that I look back on now and realise told me everything I needed to know about what was going to happen. The emotional affair began for me without any realisation that it could be as life changing as it was. I always say I do not condone our actions, but I also do not regret falling in love.