You will laugh and you will cringe.
Sex. Nookie. Love making. Boffing. Boinking. Banging. It’s supposed to be intimate and romantic. A beautiful moment between two people who care for each other. But in reality? It’s sometimes far from it. Although it’s one of the best recreational activities available, sex can go wrong. Very, very wrong.
So when a Reddit user posed the question, ‘What is the most embarrassing thing that happened to you during sex?‘, the Internet responded with gusto.
And these are the very worst of the worst awkward sex stories, all for your reading pleasure.
1. Farting.
“I was on top riding my boyfriend and everything was going great until he decided to grab my hips and pull me back and forth. I started uncontrollably farting when he pushed all the way inside. It was very rhythmic. Pftt-pfft-pfftt-pfft.”
2. Failed romantic gestures.
“Carrying her back to my dark bedroom, I meant to drop her on the bed but missed completely and she fell straight to the floor. She cried.”
LISTEN: Porn star Madison Missina runs us through all the household items that can double as sex toys. Post continues after audio.
3. Some not so kind words.
“I started dating and sleeping with my roommate. Well, we’re in the middle of things when she says, ‘I’m sorry I’m not enjoying it more, I’m just not used to someone as small as you’. That deflated more than my ego, especially since I never really considered myself small. Her attempt to console me when I tried to explain that that was pretty hurtful was that there are male enhancement treatments out there.”
4. Vomit.
“I was in bed with my girlfriend for the first time ever. It happened to be my first time ever as well, so I was feeling terrible nerves. Things were getting heavy, and I was getting so nervous that I would do something wrong, I vomited all over her naked body. The mood was killed, to say the least.”
5. Choking hazards.
“While sucking on my girlfriend’s ear lobe her earring popped out and into my mouth. I thought stashing it between my cheek and my molars would keep it out of the danger zone. Once it was “safely” in place I went in to kiss her… and yes, we were mid-coitus. Well, the earring broke loose and fell from my mouth into the back of her throat. She instantly sat up and started choking. Luckily, she hacked it up, but that was a mood-killer, to say the least.”
6. Self inflicted injuries.
“So I’m role-playing with an ex and I’m the kidnapped damsel in distress (blindfolded, of course) and he’s Superman. He decides he’s going to “fly” from the dresser to the bed to save me. You can probably see where this is going. He leaps from the dresser with his bed sheet cape, and misjudges the distance. Slams his head into the very solid wood headboard, knocks himself unconscious, blood is spurting everywhere. Meanwhile I have no idea what’s happening. I mean I heard a thunk and he landed on top of me pretty hard, but I’m no wimp. And when I felt warm liquid dripping on my face I assumed it was….something other than blood. It wasn’t until I licked it that i knew something was wrong. I managed to wiggle out from under him and get the blindfold off. Had to call an ambulance. I thought about making up a story but then I thought – hell might as well give the EMTs a good tale to tell and stuck with the truth.”
7. And other injuries...
"Was having some vigorous sex with my wife and somehow managed to get my leg wrapped up in the sheets. We decide to change positions, but I'm having trouble getting my leg untangled so I do what most rationale idiots do in this situation. I started kicking to get it off. Due to some bad timing, she moved her head around just as my foot came loose and the two connected. Sent her off the bed, onto the floor. Luckily, it didn't hurt her that bad. After making sure she was still alive we started laughing about it."
8. Performance issues.
"I was going down on my girlfriend at the time, I was pretty fresh at this point, so my game was pretty weak but I gave it a shot anyway. Embarrassingly for me, she fell asleep at some point during the act."
9. Bad timing.
"My husband took me to a concert and we stayed in a hotel for the night. Post-coitus we get up and there's a giant puddle of blood on the bed where I was laying. Bad time to start a period. Luckily the room had two beds. The maids probably thought a murder occurred."
10. Noise complaints.
"My boyfriend had his apartment to himself, so we thought we could be as loud as we wanted. I can be very, very noisy, but everything went silent after a neighbour started mimicking my moaning. I was so embarrassed I started sobbing."
11. Getting caught in the act.
"Caught with my hand down my boyfriend's pants. At 17. By my dad. On Christmas. The boyfriend cried."
Do you have any embarrassing sex fails to share?
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