Forget the hospital sitcoms and dramas, what goes on in the real wards is even more unbelievable. Doctors and emergency staff recently shared some of the most out there injuries they’ve had to treat on Reddit. From broken genitals to household objects stuck in places they definitely shouldn’t be, they’ll make any of your own embarrassing accidents seem positively beige.
1. Time is money.
“My mum had a guy bring his son in with a coin in his nose. No problem, popped it out. A couple of minutes later, she gets a call that someone had a coin in nose. She says ‘No, I already took care of that’. They insisted there was someone with a penny in his nose,” wrote one Reddit user.
“When she went out to check, there was the very same sheepish dad with a coin up HIS nose. ‘I just wanted to see how he did it…’ was his explanation.”
2. Junk or treasure?
“When my dad was doing his rotation he had a man come in with a padlock stuck around the top of his scrotum. It turns out the dude and his girlfriend had been trying out some new kinks but when they tried to take the padlock off the key snapped in the lock,” wrote a Redditor.
“He told my dad that he had spent the last two hours lubing up his scrotum and trying to squeeze one testicle through the loop at a time but to no avail. They ended up having to call the fire brigade and get them to bring down the bolt cutters to free the poor man’s junk.”
(Watch: Redditors reveal their deepest, darkest secrets. Post continues after video.)
3. Tampon troubles.
“My grandfather had a woman come in with abdominal cramping and it turns out she had six tampons stuck in her,” wrote one Reddit user.
4. Oranges and apples.
“A friend of mine works in the ER. A guy came in with a net of oranges in his anus. People put a lot of different things in their rectum, and apparently almost every day there is somebody with an anal problem.”
5. Broken genitals.
“The one I’ve seen a few times? Penile fracture. It’s a real thing. Usually occurs during girl-on-top or ‘doggy-style’ positions when the penis slips out of the vagina and forcefully strikes the pubic bone of the partner,” wrote one Redditor.
“Despite the urgency, one patient I saw was adamant that he injured his penis while roofing his home in the middle of the night.”
6. Shampoo. Literally.
“Emergency Medical Technician here. The worst for me: A shampoo bottle up the bum. Twice in one week! I said to the physician assistant in the ER that it was a ‘one in a million shot’,” wrote a Reddit user. (Post continues after gallery.)
7. Lawnmower attack.
“I had a male in his 20s come to theatre with horrific gashes and lacerations to his upper thighs and front of groin. After a little prompting, he reveals that he was doing the lawn, saw a hedge that needed trimming and just thought to himself ‘Why get another cutting tool while I’ve got one right here!’,” shared one Redditor.
“So he lifts the mower up and uses it. Predictably, drops it on his front, gets sliced up, comes to hospital.”
8. Crocodile dun-don’t.
“There was a college house that had a pet alligator in a large aquarium. (I’m sure this was against their university’s policy, but that’s besides the point.) One drunken boy for whatever reason decided to get in the tank with the ‘gator, naked,” wrote one Redditor.
“The ‘gator apparently didn’t take too well to this and bit him in a rather sensitive area. He was too embarrassed to explain the source of his injury to a doctor so he waited three days and by then it had become infected.”
9. Can you hear me?
“My brother had lost a baby tooth. He was laying on the couch watching TV playing with the tooth in his fingers above his head. He dropped the tooth and it fell directly into his ear canal,” wrote one Redditor.
“After trying to get it out himself with his fingers he only pushed it deeper in. My father took him to the hospital to get it extracted. The doctor said he had never seen a case of a tooth lodged into an ear canal.”
10. Pee-lease don’t.
“A couple comes in and the wife thinks she has a UTI since it hurts and she can barely pee. A quick ultrasound to check for an obstruction and we found they had stuck her nuvaring into her urethra, and evidently did so days before,” wrote one Redditor.
“Both of them seemed surprised about how difficult it was to get up there. It should have been embarrassing, but the two were just clueless.”
11. Piercing love.
“My buddy’s dad had a couple came in where they both had genital piercings. Mid-intercourse, their piercings interlocked. They came in stuck together.”
Got an awkward injury or story to top these? Tell us below.