On a stressful night, approximately 10.5 months ago, you would not stop screaming.
You wouldn’t sleep, you wouldn’t eat, and you sure as hell were not smiling. In a mad panic, we took you to the hospital, where the doctors decided to keep us overnight for observations. You slept through the night for the first time ever. And have slept through a grand total of three times since that night.
You woke up the next morning, fed perfectly, had a little chat, a bit of a play, and proceeded to go down for a two-hour nap. During your stay, you did not cry. At all. The nurse turned to us and said: ‘Get used to this, this won’t be the last time your baby makes a fool outta you.’
Throughout my parenting journey thus far, a truer piece of advice has not been given. So, without further ado, here are seven more times you have made me look like a complete and utter numpty in front of my friends:
1.The time when you forgot your love of dogs.
One bright and sunny day, we were walking to the park to meet up with our mother’s group. I was going on and on to the mum we were with about how much you love dogs. As we approached our group camped out on the grass, we realised that one of the other mums had brought her puppy. ‘Yes!’ I thought to myself, ‘now everyone will see how cute you are around dogs – J | A | C | K | P | O | T!’ The puppy ran straight up to you sitting in your pram, jumped up and licked you on the cheek. You looked startled for about three seconds. Then you burst into tears and wouldn’t stop screaming for the next five minutes. You did not let me put you down for the entire catch up.
Is it embarrassing when your baby twerks? Post continues after the video...
2. The time you faked being done with your day bottles.
A few weeks later, we were hangin’ out in the local library, once again, with our #squadgoals mummy group. We were chatting all things baby while you guys crawled around devouring each other’s half-eaten sandwiches. I was busy telling everyone how you had decided to drop all your day bottles in one hit and how you were pretty much eating three square meals a day like a proper little human. You really, really hadn’t been wanting your bottles. I swear. I had tried in vain for WEEKS to feed them to you at your usual times but you refused each and every one.
Of course as I was telling them about your new dietary habits, we turned to look at you. You were in the lap of another baby literally trying to eat their bottle of milk. You looked slightly deranged - like I had deprived you of milk for months. You wouldn’t let up. The other baby was starting to get pretty peeved. Yep. You had all of sudden developed a hankering for some milk. Right after I had told everyone you no longer drink milk. And I had not brought any milk with me. BECAUSE YOU WERE NO LONGER DRINKING MILK.