by EM RUSCIANO
I am mortified.
I don’t quite know what to do at this point.
I have anxiety sweat coming from any place on my body that is in possession of a gland.
I have found myself in a situation that no mother of two should ever be in. I mean who the heck do I think I am?
Not only did I break my own rules, I have potentially scarred my children and anyone with eyes for a very long time.
Last night I attended a function: it was a tres posh affair at Melbourne’s Crown Casino to officially launch the Spring Racing Carnival.
I rushed home after finishing the radio show and quickly began doing all the things I needed to do post-school and pre-dinner. I harassed the girls for their lunch boxes, I put a load of washing on, did some food shopping and helped with homework. I then threw myself in the shower and surveyed my floor-drobe for a “cocktail” outfit..
I managed to dig out a black dress that had minimal staining and whacked it on. I almost gave up on clean underwear but managed to fling on a black g-string that was, by some miracle, clean.
I also had a stand-up gig after this function so I smashed my leotard, feather tail, cape, heels, fog machine and false eyelashes in my car. Mummy was stressed, busy and late.
I did my make-up on the way and got there only 5 minutes late. Dave Thornton was waiting for me, looking most dapper in a suit and for the first time that day I exhaled and looked forward to a glass of champagne.
When you arrive at these functions, you walk a red carpet and have photos taken. Dave and I did just that, I had my Megan Gale arm on and sucked everything I owned in.
After the photos we walked into the room and had a lovely time.
Little did I know what I had done, and the far-reaching consequences of that red carpet walk.
This morning at work I received an email from my friend Jodi – who is the Media relations manager for Crown. It was a couple of photos from the red carpet of Dave and I.
I opened them and DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN BABY JESUS WEPT – NIPPLES!