I think there has finally been enough space and time from this event, for me to finally tell you all about it.
Trust me, I’ve been bursting to. As it was happening, I suppressed an urgent need to excuse myself from the situation and write this very post.
Also the person involved has moved overseas… And they don’t have the internet there, right?! Right.
A while back, I briefly felt I should maybe try dating – in an attempt to get over my marriage finishing up.
I have seen the light now and have vowed to be alone and tend to my chooks until the end of time. I will never date again. But at the time, I was feeling brave and frisky. I had had a few dinner dates and then liked one man enough to progress to an at-home DVD date.
This was next level stuff, y’all. I even went to the trouble of shaving down (like a greyhound preparing for her next race. Wait, do greyhounds shave down? I’ve never seen a bald greyhound? You get the drift though).
I did the matching underwear thing and sprayed perfume on my hard to reach areas. I even checked my nipples for the presence of bubes. (That’s boob pubes for the ill informed.)
I had generously allowed him to pick the movie and vowed to myself that I wouldn’t judge him on his choice. This excluded snuff movies, hardcore porn or anything starring Rob Schnider – I simply could not transcend negative evaluation of the bloke, should any of the above occur.
And then…. it turned out that the DVD he presented me with was much, much worse.
As I had not seen this particular film and only had the title to go by, I initially thought it sounded fun!
I imagined a fantasy movie, I pictured a heroine with billowing golden hair and a most excellent velvet frock. I felt a white horse with equally luscious follicles would be involved in the on screen drama. Possibly a handsome man and definitely a few sassy woodland creatures.
I deduced all of this from the title of the DVD, which was: Requiem for a Dream. I mean, it had the word “dream” in it!
For those of you who HAVE seen this film, I imagine you’ve had some sort of violent physical reaction to me revealing the movie title that he had chosen for our date.
For those of you who haven’t seen it, allow me to give you a brief synopsis.
Starring Jared Leto and Jennifer Connolly, Requiem for a Dream is the delightful (read: catastrophically horrific) story of four addicts.
Their problems range from hard drugs to game shows. Over the course of the film the characters’ lives slowly decent into shit.
I mean it, there is no happy ending: this film starts bad and ends even worse. The final 10 minutes is THE MOST TRAUMATIC passage of film in the history of the world ever.