politics

Babies, beers and bonkers behaviour: All the signs it’s an election year.

Hey, remember when Prime Minister Scott Morrison broke out the ukulele and sang April Sun in Cuba while his wife Jenny and daughters Lily and Abbey provided backup vocals in the most awkward family roundtable sing-a-long of all time?

Of course you remember - it was only a month ago. But just in case you need a refresher, here’s the video to, um, delight your senses.

Morrison wasn’t just singing because he wanted to show off his ukulele-playing abilities on 60 Minutes; he was quite literally singing for his supper.

Whenever you start seeing stories about prime ministers and opposition leaders doing things that you know they do but don’t really want to know about, you know it’s an election year. They’re scrambling to either keep the top job or get into it. To do this, we the voter must suddenly be made aware that politicians are HUMAN BEINGS WITH THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS. They’re just like you and me. They understand us and our hardships. They want to help make things better for us. They LOVE us.

Break out your ukulele, Mr Prime Minister: let’s all sing Kumbaya together.

We’ve still got a number of weeks to go before we’re lining up at the polling booths to cast our ballots (Australia’s last federal election was held on 18 May 2019 and this year’s election will be held on or before 21 May), so unfortunately we will have to bear witness to more strange phenomena from our politicians before then. 

Puff and fluff.

With the horror of Morrison’s aforementioned 60 Minutes interview still relatively fresh in our minds, it’s only right that opposition leader Anthony Albanese should level the playing field by providing his own puff piece. A few days ago, he also appeared on 60 Minutes, sans ukulele.

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Not only that, but he also featured in this month's issue of Australian Women's Weekly. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you "Albo in different poses: A series".

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Look everyone, he wears bowling shoes! He crosses his arms while standing against a brick wall! He has a cute dog! And art on his walls!

And oh look, it’s his partner Jodie Haydon, because heaven forbid he should be single. Single people do not know how to govern. Single people are the worst. Boo, single people, boo.

Here be the women.

Albanese posing with his partner isn't just to show he is happily ensconced in a committed relationship, it also shows that the shadow government UNDERSTANDS women and all the issues women have. Therefore, women voters should definitely vote for them. 

And if it seems that the prime minister is currently attached at the hip with his wife, that’s because it’s true. This shows that the government UNDERSTANDS women and all the issues women have. Therefore, women voters should definitely vote for them.

Partner/Wife = Woman. Woman loves PM/Opposition = All other women love PM/Opposition. It's simple maths.

Listen to Mamamia's daily news podcast, The Quicky, on the wacky stunts politicians use to win an election. Post continues after audio. 


Significant others aren’t just there for display either. Just like how Jenny Morrison recently stuck up for her husband and criticised former Australian of the Year Grace Tame for not smiling during a visit to the Lodge, former PM Tony Abbott’s wife Margie also defended her husband against misogyny claims back in 2012. 

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"I'm not a politician and I'm not political - but just don't ever try to tell me that my husband of 24 years and the father of three daughters is on some anti-women crusade. It's simply not true," Margie said. "Tony Abbott is surrounded by strong women, in fact not only strong but capable women."

Because everyone knows that men who have wives and daughters can't be misogynists, no sirree bob.

Bottoms up. 

Can you even be in politics if you don’t drink beer? According to pictorial evidence, the answer is No. And the number of pub visits by politicians increases astronomically during an election year. Here is a sample.

Cheers! (Image: Getty)

Cheers! (Image: Getty)

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Cheers! (Image: Getty)

Cheers! (Image: Getty)

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Hungry for more. 

Can you even be in politics if you don’t eat sausages? According to pictorial evidence, the answer is No. And the number of sausages eaten by politicians increases astronomically during an election year. Here is a sample. 

More tomato sauce, thanks. (Image: Getty)

And here is Tony Abbott eating an onion as though it’s an apple. Because it’s still funny after all these years.

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Weird and whacky. 

Liberal MP and wannabe PM Peter Costello famously danced the macarena with Kerri-Anne Kennerley in the lead-up to the 1996 election. He also sang Money Money Money on radio in Brisbane before the 2001 election and in 2004 he allowed himself to be wrapped in a giant python.

Not to be outdone, our current PM decided that washing a stranger’s hair is great PR for his campaign. So on a tour of Melbourne’s southeast a few weeks ago, he pulled up his sleeves and dove straight in.

“That’s not too hard, is it?” Morrison asked first-year apprentice Courtnie Trotter, whose hair he was shampooing.

“No, it’s fine,” she replied.

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I imagine that even if the PM’s hair-washing skills sucked, she wouldn’t have said otherwise.

Pucker up, baby. 

Kissing babies is as bi-partisan as they come. Every PM and wannabe PM has puckered up and planted one on the smooth cheek of an unsuspecting babe since elections were first invented. For whatever reason, politicians believe that kissing babies leads to election wins.

So what will they do this year when kissing anyone, let alone babies, is frowned upon? I mean, are they even allowed to shake hands with other people? It’s all very up in the air.

One thing’s for sure - at least babies everywhere in Australia are safe.

Visiting hours. 

During an election year, it’s important to be seen in all the right places, so get ready for both the PM and the opposition leader to visit these locations in the coming weeks: schools (because they care for the young), nursing homes (they care for the old), hospitals (they care for the sick), charities (they care in general), pubs (for the beer), parks (for the food), little run-down shops (they care for small businesses), shopping centres (they care for big businesses), trains and buses (they care about public transport even if they don’t know how to buy a ticket), and on the street (they care for people just going about their daily lives and don’t necessarily want to bump into a politician).

Happy election year, everyone! Heaven help us all.

Image credit: Getty. 

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