Welcome to Douche Canoe, Spirit Animal and Whinger of the Week – Mamamia’s brand new weekly post.
Not quite sure if we need to explain, but let’s do it anyway just for kicks:
Each week, we will pick the biggest Douche Canoe, Spirit Animal and Whinger from the last seven days. What’s a Douche Canoe? Someone who has pretty much been the worst/done something crappy/just generally been a wanker. What’s a Spirit Animal? Someone who has won the week by being awesome. What’s a whinger? Well, pretty much just someone who has had a major sooky-la-la moment.
So without further ado, let’s get this thing started.
Douche Canoe of the Week goes to…
The one and only Immigration Minister Scott Morrison.
The man in charge of implementing our goevernment’s “Turn back the boats” policy, it’s on Morrison to explain why there were allegedly shots fired by Australian Navy Personnel at a group of 25 refugees seeking asylum in our country.
But Morrison has conveniently decided to stop briefing the media on asylum seeker arrivals. So aside from a brief denial, there’s been no light shed on the situation by the man in charge.
Spirit Animal of the Week goes to…
The magnificent Emma Thompson.
Mainly for her brilliant acceptance speech at the National Board of Review Awards, but also for general all-round brilliance.
First she took her heels off and said this:
“I’ve taken my heels off as a feminist statement really, because why do we wear them? They’re so painful. And pointless, really. You know, I really would like to urge everyone to stop it. Just stop it. Don’t wear them anymore. You just can’t walk in them, and I’m so comfortable now. But much love to you all. Thank you so very much.”
Then she cemented her brilliance even further by saying this:
“It’s such a cold night, you know, it’s the only time I’ve been actively grateful for the menopause. There have been moments when I’ve been entirely comfortable. And then they pass.”
Whinger of the Week goes to…
Everyone complaining about the heat at the tennis.
So what if it’s so hot you’re hallucinating a Snoopy angel? So what if it’s so hot your water bottle is melting into the ground? So what if it’s so hot your body is physically refusing to play by puking everywhere? So what if it’s so hot ball-kids are fainting? So what if it’s so hot – wait. That kind of does sound pretty hot.
We guess you’ll just have to take comfort in those millions you make from being professional tennis players who train specifically to play in extreme weather.
Get back to us when athletes at the Winter Olympics complain about it being too cold. Until then, this should explain everything you need to know:
So, over to you. Who are your Douche Canoe, Spirit Animal and Whinger of the week?