Becoming Bride is a weekly column from Melissa Petro, who will be sharing her wedding deets with us from engagement to aisle.
Scratching mosquito bites, picking pimples, eating uncooked cookie dough, Googling your ex — these are things you’re really not supposed to do that feel just too good to resist, right?
At the top of my list: hate-reading.
I know it’s bad and wrong, but, well… I sometimes just can’t help myself.
When I came upon the headline, “Invite my kid to your wedding: Trust me — you’ll regret it if you don’t,” I couldn’t resist.
“Wedding season is upon us,” author David Andrew Stoler begins, “and, bless you, you’ve decided that — despite all evidence to the contrary — yours is the love that’s going to last.”
What’s your biggest wedding regret? Post continues below.
Straight from the lede (which links to the national marriage and divorce rate trends) the author sets himself up as insufferable. Man, if I was hoping to be offended, this dude did not disappoint.
The quickest way to reveal yourself as a douchenozzle — not to mention unoriginal — is to remind someone who’s about to get married that most marriages end in divorce. The second-quickest way to offend is tell us what our wedding has to be like or whom we need to invite.
The author’s main argument is that his kids need to be invited to my wedding because he just loves them so much.
OK, you love your kids, I get it.