Love can come at anytime, but fertility is fleeting.
Kristy’s desire for a baby was so strong she couldn’t wait for Mr. Right. She was ready for motherhood. She yearned for the miracle of pregnancy, she dreamt of holding a newborn, and just as with any other ambition she’d had in her life she went after her dream. So in her early thirties she became a mum with the help of donor sperm from the US.
Her philosophy is simple. Love can come at anytime, but fertility is fleeting. She wasn’t prepared to risk missing her chance to have a baby. “I’ve always been fiercely independent so having a baby on my own seemed to make sense,” she says.
When a good friend of mine shared Kristy’s story I thought it was unique. Since then I’ve discovered three other women who chose the same path. So is there a donor sperm sisterhood emerging? Are we so independent now that we willingly create our family without a significant other?
It seems a growing number of women decide that life, and more specifically their biological clock, doesn’t stand still. So they sign on the dotted line to be impregnated and fast track it to motherhood. No more waiting around for Mr. (or Ms) Perfect to materialise and sweep us of our feet. Now, I’m one of those naive types who married her high-school sweetheart and, so far, lived happily ever after. So I’m not in a position to relate.
But I’ve discovered these women have five things in common. 1. They’re fiercely independent 2. They’re unlucky in love (haven’t found Mr./Ms. Right) 3. They have awesome support from friends and family 4. They’re thirty-something (right before fertility plummets) and 5. They’re pretty awesome (in my opinion).
I’ve got friends in their thirties who are desperate to find The One before it’s too late to start a family. Of course there’s always adoption and IVF with donor eggs for those who struggle to become pregnant later in life. But, if you’re a strong, independent women and you can support a child more power to you I say.
I suppose there are some obvious downsides. Firstly, a single income could make finances tight. Secondly, you’re deciding that this baby won’t have a father/co-parent (biological or otherwise). Next, you don’t have a significant other to bounce ideas off when parenting gets tough. You’ll also tackle the infant years alone when sleep deprivation becomes unbearable (or perhaps you’ll have one of those ‘good’ babies).
Kristy threw caution to the wind and is now proud mama to one-year-old Max. But she admits her journey wasn’t perfect and just weeks into her pregnancy she was made redundant from her job. She said it was hard and there were moments of doubt, just as all parents doubt themselves at times, but she wouldn’t change it for the world.