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These women are skipping men and heading straight for motherhood.

Love can come at anytime, but fertility is fleeting.

Kristy’s desire for a baby was so strong she couldn’t wait for Mr. Right. She was ready for motherhood. She yearned for the miracle of pregnancy, she dreamt of holding a newborn, and just as with any other ambition she’d had in her life she went after her dream. So in her early thirties she became a mum with the help of donor sperm from the US.

Her philosophy is simple. Love can come at anytime, but fertility is fleeting. She wasn’t prepared to risk missing her chance to have a baby. “I’ve always been fiercely independent so having a baby on my own seemed to make sense,” she says.  

When a good friend of mine shared Kristy’s story I thought it was unique. Since then I’ve discovered three other women who chose the same path. So is there a donor sperm sisterhood emerging? Are we so independent now that we willingly create our family without a significant other?

It seems a growing number of women decide that life, and more specifically their biological clock, doesn’t stand still. So they sign on the dotted line to be impregnated and fast track it to motherhood. No more waiting around for Mr. (or Ms) Perfect to materialise and sweep us of our feet. Now, I’m one of those naive types who married her high-school sweetheart and, so far, lived happily ever after. So I’m not in a position to relate. 

But I’ve discovered these women have five things in common. 1. They’re fiercely independent 2. They’re unlucky in love (haven’t found Mr./Ms. Right) 3. They have awesome support from friends and family 4. They’re thirty-something (right before fertility plummets) and 5. They’re pretty awesome (in my opinion).

"Is there a donor sperm sisterhood emerging?"

I’ve got friends in their thirties who are desperate to find The One before it’s too late to start a family. Of course there’s always adoption and IVF with donor eggs for those who struggle to become pregnant later in life. But, if you’re a strong, independent women and you can support a child more power to you I say.

I suppose there are some obvious downsides. Firstly, a single income could make finances tight. Secondly, you’re deciding that this baby won’t have a father/co-parent (biological or otherwise). Next, you don’t have a significant other to bounce ideas off when parenting gets tough. You’ll also tackle the infant years alone when sleep deprivation becomes unbearable (or perhaps you’ll have one of those ‘good’ babies).  

Kristy threw caution to the wind and is now proud mama to one-year-old Max. But she admits her journey wasn’t perfect and just weeks into her pregnancy she was made redundant from her job. She said it was hard and there were moments of doubt, just as all parents doubt themselves at times, but she wouldn’t change it for the world.

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Her advice to other women considering her path to parenthood, “back yourself and your desire to be a mum, you’re stronger than you think. Life’s too short to have regrets.”

“Now if Mr. Right does come along I’m a package deal.” Another upside according to Kristy is that if the relationship goes belly-up she won’t worry about shared custody of Max. He’s all hers.

Kristy says the hardest part wasn’t deciding to become a solo parent, it was choosing the right man to be her child’s biological father. ‘I shed many tears during this stage. It's funny I wanted a dark haired, dark eyed, tall donor and I ended up with a blond haired, blue eyed guy - still tall though’!

Kristy is ready for the challenges ahead.

She said there were so many factors to consider. “I struggled …I found myself looking at peoples noses or physical features and tended to overthink things!"

Her doctor’s advice was simple, he said "Kristy, normally a man and a woman meet in a bar and they go home and can potentially make a baby, without knowing anything about the other person, and similarly - when you fall in love with your partner, you don't even think about letting his family history or physical characteristics stop you from having a baby!"

Kristy says it’s important to really connect with your doctor and fertility support team as their guidance is so important. “I saw a counsellor in the beginning as this is a legal requirement in Queensland and I really enjoyed the sessions.”

She says the future will bring different challenges but she’s ready. “I’ll talk to Max about his conception and the donor when the time comes. His baby book has pictures of the donor and an essay he wrote about his life and upbringing. The book illustrates the possibility of other families out there that the same donor helped create - we'll imagine and story tell together about them so he'll always understand he's not alone. I’ll read to him every night before bed, so he grows up knowing where he came from and most importantly, that he's loved by so many people.” 

And Kristy’s not alone either. “I know, through my doctor, there are lots of women doing this or taking steps towards it but unfortunately no-one talks about it! There's no shame in saying I took control of my life and went after my dreams. There was no way I was going to sit around and miss my chance of having children.”

Are you part of the donor sperm sisterhood? What are your thoughts on going it alone?

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