Jared Kushner is pacing the floor of Trump Tower waiting for the pandemonium to begin. His father-in-law just got a call from Kanye West, hoping he could drop in and have a chat. And much to his displeasure, The Donald has agreed.
“Isn’t that great,” Trump told him through a menacing orange smile. “I love that guy. He just says what he wants when he wants,” he continues, struggling to slide his Blackberry into this jacket pocket.
“Hey, Melania,” Donald screams in the vague direction of his statuesque third wife. “Write that down, will you? ‘What he wants, when he wants.’ That’s a good campaign slogan, right? We could use that when we run for second term,” he says seriously, smiling at Kushner once more. Melania nods, smiling the smile of a woman truly dead inside, and reaches for a pen and paper.
What it is that West wants to chat about exactly, Kushner can't be sure. But one thing he does know is that it's sure to be less a meeting of great minds than it is a festival of idiocies. Words, words, many words, words bouncing everywhere, Kushner thinks to himself while raising his head to the ceiling and sighing loudly.
Just when he's thinking about giving it all up and moving Ivanka and the kids to Bermuda for good, the elevator doors open and his wife appears by his side. She's scanning the tiny space frantically, her Instagram poised at the ready. A group of non-descript minders pile out, with West being the final man out.
Looking to his wife sadly, Kushner whispers, "she's not here. I'm so sorry, honey."
Dejected at the loss of a photo-op with Kim, Ivanka slinks off to another wing of the apartment and Kushner steps forward to shake Kanye's hand.
Just as he's about to speak, Trump walks forward and side-steps him, embracing the rapper in a hug.
"Did I do the homie thing okay?" Donald asks Kanye seriously. "I've been practising that you know, the bro embrace," he says staring at Kanye for some sign of recognition.
Kanye laughs awkwardly, and at this point, it's hard to know where this will go. Kushner looks to the ceiling once more, thinking about the engulfing inertia of it all.
Moving to the lounge room, Kushner sees Kanye looking around the palatial space, taking in the gaudy declarations of wealth that adorn his father-in-law's home. "You know, for someone who hates China, you've sure got a lot of it in your house," Kanye says laughing, clearly impressed with his own comedy.
Confused, Donald replies, "oh, yeah, but I hate the country, not the plates. I love the plates," he continues.
Sitting in a pair of Baroque-style armchairs, Donald asks, "so what can I do for you, Kanye? Can I call you Kanye?"
Smiling, the rapper replies, "yeah, you can call me Kanye."
Shifting in his truly uncomfortable chair, West says, "I'd like to talk to you about multiculturalism in this country and how we go about creating change, Mr President. There are serious problems facing this country, problems that have been around since before I was born, and now is the time to change them. Look at the violence in places like Chicago - it's a nightmare for people living there. Americans shouldn't be living like that. We need better schools, better teachers, better homes for kids to return to each day," he begins passionately. "I'm here because I want to talk to you. These problems have been going on for too long and they can't continue. We need to enact change. You can be the president that changes the world."