1. Dogs are better than cats.
2. Dog people are better than cat people.
3. Growing up with a dog makes you a better person.
These three things are true. As true as the happy little sound a puppy makes when she nuzzles her wet little nose into your neck and shows you real love. As true as the cold, dead look in a cat’s eyes when he looks down his little nose at you.
A while ago, Rosie Waterland wrote an outrageous pro-cat post called “Fact: Having a cat as a child makes you a better adult than if you had a dog.” In it, she is aloof and sneaky, just like the very animal she is promoting as the superior childhood pet.
This is just a taste of the Feline Supremacist agenda she’s peddling:
Cats are the epitome of kick-arse wonder-beings.
Cats are independent. Cats are self-possessed. Cats are the ultimate teachers of self-worth. They know who they are, they know how they expect to be treated, and they never settle for anything less.
Cats don’t teach the importance of unconditional love. They teach the importance of mutual respect.
Then, in a move so audacious I can hardly believe she did it, Rosie bought an actual real life kitten to prove her point.
This is Boo the cat, Rosie’s new companion. Notice how he sleeps with one eye open; cold and untrusting even at this early stage in his life. Rosie may think this “kick-arse wonder-being” respects her, but he does not. He’s just biding his time till he can shit in her shoes and rub his fur in my allergic face till my eyes water.
That brings me to my first point: Cats are untrustworthy. When they wive with a human person, they’re in it for the cat-shaped treats and the free medical care. They don’t love you, they use you. They’re emotionally unavailable, cunning, and disloyal. See simply: The cheshire cat. That disingenuous bastard.