Image: iStock.
Ending up in hospital with something erm, foreign, stuck somewhere it shouldn’t be sounds like a cringey skit from a movie, but it genuinely does happen. More often than you’d think.
The people who see it the most? Doctors and nurses. And many have taken to internet forums to share the always painful and often hilarious cases they’ve witnessed.
1. Broken Coccyx.
“I was a Navy Corpsman for some years, and treated several sexual injuries. One couple came in with dual injuries. Neither injury required much intervention, but had to be documented so they could receive light duty while healing. They were copulating in the shower, and he slipped,” recalled one doctor.
“She ‘fell off’ him, and broke her coccyx, while he tripped over her and broke his toe on the lip of the shower. Both of them had some bruises and were sore. Unfortunately, they were married, but not to each other, so neither could really use the ultimately amusing story.” (Watch: Mamamia staff share their most embarrassing sex moment. Post continues after video.)
2. Thermometer troubles.
“A man explained that his girlfriend had tried to take his temperature rectally and ‘lost’ the thermometer. I could actually see the glass tip poking out of his rear end, so I got a padded clamp and gently began pulling,” wrote one nurse.
“It was a thermometer all right, but one for a fish tank.” (Post continues after gallery.)
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3. You’re not fooling anyone.
“As an Emergency Nurse, you tell us you slipped backwards, but we know what happened. We always know. Just like the guy last week that slipped onto a can of deodorant after getting out of the shower. ‘Gosh, I wonder what it was doing all lubed up on the ground in a position to fit snuggly up your rectum?’,” wrote one Redditor.
So maybe keep those very bad excuses to yourself and just ‘fess up.
“If it’s a sex related it really helps with the assessment and management. If it’s not sex related; we all like a good chuckle.”
4. Reunited.
“I was assigned to examine a patient with stomach pain. The woman turned out to be my high school classmate, but instead of being happy to see me, she was mortified,” said one ER nurse.
“She confessed she wasn’t suffering from stomach pain but had gotten something ‘stuck.’ Hours earlier, she’d microwaved a frozen hot dog to use as a sex toy. But heating it had softened the hot dog, and it broke off inside her. I removed it, though I doubt she’ll look me in the eye at our next reunion!”
5. Bed time.
"When my mum worked in the ER she had two guys come in for foreign object removal - one was a bedknob (gross footnote, he wanted it back after) and a bottle of Sure deodorant."
6. Ouch.
"I have had to inform a few male patients that the condom only goes on the shaft and should not be pulled down to include covering of the testicles," said one doctor.
7. Brace yourself.
"My friend is a nurse and told me this story. A young couple were transported to the ER by ambulance while physically attached. She had been attempting to fellate him when his penis became ensnarled in her braces. I asked her if they had to call in an orthodontist, but she told me that the doctor was able to free them."
Dare to share the funniest sex-related injury you've heard of or experienced?