“Babe, you hang up first.” “No, you hang up!” EVERYBODY JUST HANG UP.
It’s time to kill the phone call. Kill that phone call till it dead.
The first successful phone conversation was in 1876. And it was boring even then. Alexander Graham Bell picked up his invention and said, “Mr Watson, come here. I want to see you,” and Mr Watson replied.
139 years later, it’s time to well and truly move on. The phone call is over. Hang it up.
Need convincing? Great. Here are some reasons I prepared earlier.
7 Reasons Phone Calls Are The Worst And Must Be Terminated
1. It’s really weird not knowing what facial expression someone’s making when they talk to you.
We deserve better than this horrific guessing game. We deserve Skype, Facetime, or an expressive combination of emojis.
2. You can get stuck on a phone call with pointless small talk for basically ever and ever.
Hello, how was your day, how are you, Oh I’m so glad to hear you’re well, how’s the family, is you pet OK, how was your day AWKWARD TALK AWKWARD TALK NO NO NO.
3. The missed phone call is a human interaction etiquette nightmare and you know it.
Why did your ex-boyfriend call? What if the phone call from a guy you like was actually a butt dial? Do you call back and risk him telling you it was an accident and upsetting the delicate tango of early relationship communication? WHAT IS THE ETIQUETTE HERE OH GOD OH GOD JUST EVERYONE TEXT ONLY PLEASE.
5. Calling someone without warning is exactly like turning up at their house unannounced yelling, “Talk to me! I don’t care what you’re doing! I’m more important!” in their face.
Don’t do that to someone you like.
6. Voicemail is essentially the work of the devil and must stop immediately and forever.
Leaving a voicemail message is deadset the equivalent of driving by someone’s place and throwing a flaming bag of dog poo in their front garden when they’re not home.
7. Having a phone is too good to waste on verbal communication.
Our attention spans are not built to withstand a phone call anymore. How can we possibly be checking Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, email, Buzzfeed, Snapchat, WhatsApp, YouTube, Spotify, and Tinder all at once when we’re holding our phones to our ear?
And with that, I rest my case. Don’t call me, maybe.