5 signs you are wearing too much makeup.

Image: iStock

I love wearing makeup, so it is difficult for me to tell if I’m wearing too much.

“Normal” for me is wearing an almost-black, smoky eye at 9am in the morning, or multiple shades of coloured eyeshadow when I’m home alone on a Sunday night.

All the makeup. All the time.


If I stand in front of the mirror and ask myself, “Am I wearing too much makeup?”, the answer is always, “No, definitely not! Look, there’s an eyebrow pencil – why don’t you shade your brows a tiny bit more?”

The only 4 makeup products you need to wear to work.

Thus, I am forced to read other people’s facial expressions, body language and diaries to help me figure out if I am wearing too much makeup.

5 tell tale signs:

1. People won’t kiss you on the cheek at social occasions.

Over the holiday period, I noticed that people were hesitating and assessing my makeup, before attempting the social air kiss. On the one hand, I could totally understand, because there was a lot going on with my face – the famously gold and glittery NARS Orgasm blush, NARS Audacious lipstick in the gorgeous, hibiscus-red Grace shade, plus concealer and mascara.

There was a high risk that I would smear makeup on anyone who air-kissed me. On the other hand, I buy my NARS products in Australia, so any smudge left behind is costing me approximately $1.57 per air kiss. You should thank me for practically INVESTING in you.

Liz Lemon gets a kiss, even though she’s dressed as Princess Leia! She can thank her natural makeup for that.

2. You don’t recognise yourself in the mirror.

The other day, I was shopping in Myer, and I saw this woman who was standing right in my personal space. I thought, “Who is THAT?! Ugh, get away from me!” I worked up the guts to look her in the eye, and then realised that it was actually ME! I was standing in front of a mirror, and wearing so much makeup that I didn’t even recognise myself.

As Delta Goodrem says, it was a terrible case of mistaken identity.


3. You can’t blink, eat, or go to the toilet without worrying that you will ruin your makeup.

I do love wearing red lipstick, but I have decided to avoid wearing it to restaurants. This girl’s gotta eat! When you’re having thoughts like, “I might not eat that cupcake because it will ruin my lipstick,” it’s time to put DOWN the lipstick and pick UP the yummy cake. Life’s too short to avoid delicious desserts!

Similarly, if you are overly concerned about how you will do basic human things like blinking (ouch, my false eyelashes are hurting me) or going to the toilet (but my expensive nail art will be ruined!), then you need to reassess your priorities. I’m all for makeup and fun, but honey? You need to live your life.

4. You find traces of makeup in the strangest of places.

As a first-time mum, I am extra-vigilant when it comes to my baby’s health and safety. So, naturally, I completely panicked when I saw that my baby had developed a strange, red rash on her face.

14 tips for doing makeup when you have a toddler in the house.

However, with closer inspection, I realised that I actually smeared lipstick all over her face with my over-zealous kissing. There is also a tiny, purple stain on one of our new kitchen cabinets from when I dyed the tips of my hair purple, and I am hoping that my husband never notices it. Oh wait, he reads all of my articles.

Hi, Jeff!

5. Your favourite TV or movie character is the one who wears all the makeup.

You will know what I’m talking about if you became obsessed with Gina from The Real Housewives of Melbourne last year, and wanted to copy her Litigator Barbie look. Seriously, I started wearing green eye-makeup to emphasise my brown eyes, just because Gina did. Also, Mimi was my favourite character on The Drew Carey Show. The girls with the makeup are always the best.

Do you have any to add?

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