Times are tough.
Australia’s GDP growth is below forecast. The unemployment rate isn’t shrinking. Australia’s AAA credit rating is under threat and the current price of raspberries is ridiculous.
I can understand how this might spook consumer confidence, and it’s infiltrating social situations. People are more thrifty than ever. Consequently, we have a new crisis on our hands, the GFC has caused the DFC – the Dining Financial Crisis.
Today I went to brunch with a man. It was our first date. There will not be a second. Apart from the very real possibility I could engage in better banter with a bunch of broccoli, the guy took economic conservatism to a whole new level.
Our brunch total came to 43 dollars. When the bill came, my date conceded he had no money on him and did I mind if he paid on card. Of course I didn’t mind. He plucked out an Amex and tossed it on top of the bill. Then he looked at me… confused. Finally he said, “Ummm… I’m only paying for my half.”
Highly embarrassed, I lied saying, “Oh sorry! I thought I’d already put my card on there! My mistake, thanks for reminding me (you colossal wanker)”. To be clear, I do not expect men to pay for all dates. I think whoever asks the person out on the first date should pay. The second party should offer to pay their half, but not really expect to be taken up on it. And if there’s further dates, it should be taken in turn – 50/50.
The currency exchange with this penny stingy chump got me thinking about people who are under the impression they are decent, when in fact, they really aren’t. They are tight arse turnips and I don’t give a flying fiscal if that offends them.
A few examples:
As someone who rarely drinks, this is a re-occurring battle for me. I sip on soda water, while everyone else is chugging down bottomless bottles of vino, yet the bill is still split evenly. The worst part is, it’s probably only an extra 30 bucks, so I feel like a cheap skate for saying anything. But it’s the principle of the matter. My advice is to call them on it. You’re right. They’re wrong. It won’t stop until you say something, and chances are they’ll be too drunk to remember you being the bar stool book keeper anyway.
The Smoke Bombers