Dealing with jealousy in a friendship can be hard, but the way you overcome the envy will make you happier.
“Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into.” – Wayne Dyer
I think comparison and competition exist partly because we believe that there is a scarcity of good things in the universe. And that belief makes us kind of small and scared and unable to feel true joy for others or peace for ourselves.
When a friend (or “a friend”) mentions that she’s received a promotion at work, her son won an award at school, she’s just bought her third vacation home, or recently lost 10 pounds…how do we feel? I know we say we feel happy for her, but how do we really feel?
I think sometimes we really feel a little panicked. Like a determined bride at one of those terrifying wedding dress sales, we feel like our friend’s news means that now we have to run a little faster, push a little harder and get more aggressive in general. Because if our friend is getting extra money, approval, admiration, and general blessings…that must mean there are fewer of those things less left over for us.
And how do we feel when one friend gossips about another? I know you probably don’t respond this way because you are lovely, but a little secret part of me always thought… “SCORE. Less respect for gossip victim, more respect for me.”
Like an author I love once wrote, some of us believe that there is a “cosmic pie” and a bigger piece of goodness for you means a smaller piece for me.
A few years ago I got overwhelmed and consumed by jealousy and this made me feel all clenchy and small — so I decided to try believing in abundance. And it sort of looked like this: When a friend shared good news, and I started feeling jealous, I told myself — kindly and gently (which is the only acceptable way to tell yourself anything) — to cut it out because scarcity is a lie and the truth is that there is ENOUGH to go around.
And so I went out of my way to build her up even more. I want the best for you, I’d think. I really, really want you to have everything you’ve ever dreamed of. And you guys, somewhere along the way, I started believing myself. I started believing that I was the type of woman who wanted the absolute best for everyone around her. I started believing that I was a woman who would help the woman next to me get whatever she dreamed of. I became a person who believes that the bigger I help you become, the bigger I become. The happier I help you become, the happier I become. The more successful, fulfilled and healthy I help you become — the more successful, fulfilled and healthy I become. So let’s get started!