'I, too, worked with an 'Emily'. This is how I handled her.'

If you’re anything like me, you probably binge-watched Emily in Paris over the holidays, oohing and ahhing over the clothes, the drama and wondering for the 10,000th time how a marketing executive earns enough to afford designer pieces she seemingly only wears once.

Aside from the cliched will-they-won’t-they plot and the questionable outfits, there was one storyline that struck a little too close to home for me.

Watch the official trailer for Emily in Paris Season 3. Story continues after video.

Now we are (mostly) back at work, I NEED to talk about the Emily-Julien work saga.

In a spoiler alert that will come as a shock to precisely no one, Emily proceeds to muscle her way into Julien’s client book, assigning herself to work on his pitch decks (without asking), completely changing his ideas and taking over his client meetings. She also has the audacity to act shocked when he lashes out at her behaviour.

Who, moi?

I cringed through most of these scenes because I have previously worked with an ‘Emily’. Emilys are overly enthusiastic, chirpy, and more often than not they're workaholics. 

Your boss LOVES an Emily, the boss’s boss LOVES an Emily. YOU may have even gotten along with an Emily before you started working closely with her.

Emilys will usually assert themselves over the biggest and best jobs/clients/projects. Or if they aren’t involved (yet), they'll have strong opinions on the work you’re doing that seemingly only arise when the boss or the client are in earshot - all delivered with a smile and air of radiant positivity. 

An Emily will approach you as a friendly shoulder to lean on and may start asking if you need any help. At first, this sounds fantastic - who doesn’t want someone to help lighten the load?

But after a while you'll notice things start to shift in an Emily's behaviour… not by being passive aggressive, bullying or backstabbing, though. Emilys work differently.

They may take over your meeting, laughing and chatting, throwing in ideas that may have been yours to begin with or going out of their way to form close friendships with your clients or co-workers. 

Because of these relationships, they sneak work casually into conversations, making decisions and leaving you out of the loop.

Image: Netflix.

Emilys work on your tasks outside of working hours (see: workaholic) and know how to proudly showcase this without sounding boastful, contrived or try-hard. Emilys are always one step ahead. 

Like Julien, it’s enough to have you reaching out to new potential employers.

It can be hard to bring these ‘Emily’-related scenarios up with your boss. What can you really complain about? That she was enthusiastic at a meeting? That she laughed with your client? That she had some great ideas (and usually… they are pretty good) or helped you move the project along quickly and effortlessly?.

It may feel you don’t have a leg to stand on - so what are your next steps?

There are two types of Emilys. 

One knows exactly what she’s doing, and the other lives in such an Emily-centric world that she is oblivious. Either way, you can deal with both of these Emilys the same way.

Unfortunately, I had the pleasure of working with the former. BUT with a few steps I easily overcame Emily-itis.

Before we crack into it - the first thing to remember is that it’s not about you. Nothing an Emily does is about you personally. It usually has to do with her own agenda, the need to get ahead and her own insecurities about not being enough.

Please re-read that again.

Step 1: Politely face the Emily head on.

Don’t wait until you're in a client meeting to air your frustrations, a la Julien. That doesn’t look good on anyone.  

If you’re at breaking point with an Emily’s behaviour, it’s best to bring it to her first, privately. This may seem daunting, but you can do it in such a way that if she continues with her behaviour, it makes her look incompetent (the kryptonite of an Emily).

Scenario 1: Speaking over the top of you in your meetings/taking over the ideas.

“Thanks for your help in that meeting. I’m really trying to form a strong relationship with this client and brush up on my speaking skills, so I was hoping that next time I would be able to take the lead - happy for you to input where you need.”

Or

“Thanks for your help with this client. I think we got everything we need. I felt that there were a lot of people speaking at once, so I’m going to keep these small moving forward. But let’s catch up prior to discuss any ideas you may have and I’ll pass them along.”

Scenario 2: Speaking about the project without you present.

“I noticed that you’ve already had a chat with so-and-so about the project. It was hard for me to understand what was going on because I wasn’t kept in the loop. Would you mind not discussing it when I’m not there, that would be a big help. Thanks!”

Or

“Anytime you need to discuss this one with other people please let me know first. As the project manager I really need to be across it all. Thanks!”

Step 2: Be specific, consistently.

Even if you bring up your gripes head on with an Emily, their behaviour may still occur. Be consistent. Keep bringing up your issues and be specific with certain times it’s happened.

“I know you’re only trying to help by finishing the work on Monday night, but if we could work on that together as a team rather than you working on it by yourself that would be great. I need to be involved in everything from the get-go.”

“It’s amazing that you have so many ideas, but when you presented it to the client in the Monday meeting without me knowing it made me feel out of the loop. If we could speak about them privately before we bring them to anyone else I would appreciate it.”

Step 3: Bring the 'Emily' up to your boss.

While Julien did the right thing bringing up his issues with Sylvie, he could have approached things a little more… proactively (but she could have... you know... done something.)

Since Emily, by a boss’s standard, is doing everything correctly: forming strong relationships, working extra hours on a project, helping, making seemingly great suggestions - you need to bring the focus back on your career goals and needs.

Praise an Emily’s positives to your boss, but make it known that their behaviour is leaving you feeling like you can’t own your work, are feeling left out of the task and all of this isn’t allowing you to grow and thrive in your role.

Image: Netflix.

Then you can bring up steps 1 and 2 (bring specific examples), showing your boss that you have taken the initiative to speak with them directly, but would like some support in how to handle the situation moving forward.

Your boss will then have awareness of the situation and can step in if need be or choose (if it’s in their power) to remove you from tasks that work closely with an Emily.

By avoiding speaking negatively about someone else, you’ve put the focus back on you and your career.

The takeaway.

You should be able to work in an environment where your ideas are heard, you’re empowered to take control of your own work and have strong boundaries with the Emilys of the world.

Working with an Emily can be tedious, frustrating and downright exhausting. Through approaching their unwanted behaviour privately in a polite and direct manner and by bringing it up in the right way with your boss, you’re bound to get results.

Who knows, you may even become best friends and get to borrow her magnificent wardrobe. Just don’t let her near your partner.

Feature Image: Netflix.

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