I was supposed to be at the restaurant in 30 minutes.
I opened our text conversation and, for the fifth time in a half hour, typed then deleted my excuse for cancelling on him.
I scolded myself for thinking I wanted to date. I looked in the mirror and tried to regain my composure.
I imagined what it would be like to tell this cute, blue-eyed stranger that no matter how loud he made me laugh or how attentively he listened to my childhood stories, I may never be able to have sex with him.
I felt like I was going to be sick. I pushed the thought out of my head, erased the text, grabbed my keys, and walked out the door. There was no turning back now.
Dating isn’t easy for anyone, I assume. But it feels a lot more complicated when you’re a straight woman with medical conditions that prevent you from having vaginal intercourse. When, exactly, was I supposed to bring that up? Women’s magazines and online advice columns never taught me how to handle this.
As I parked my car, I could feel beads of sweat dotting the back of my neck. When I met his eyes in the restaurant, my anxiety skyrocketed.
All I could do, during our routine discussion of our jobs and our interests, was nod my head at the right times and laugh when it seemed appropriate. The cocktail menu boasted a tequila drink “known for making your clothes fall off.” My date made a joke about it. My hands started to shake. I barely remember the rest of the night but I do remember that I never heard from him again.
Top Comments
I have almost the exact condition. I too have "tried everything". My doctor even ran out of ideas.
For some there are solutions, for some there are not. But, what is awesome about this, is the message that if we keep reaching out, we will find forms of coping that help, and ultimately lead to happiness.
Thank you for sharing this incredibly personal story.
Perhaps exploring what Dr Rosie King called 'outercourse' ie sex without penetration, would help. I always get concerned about absolutist 'can't have sex cuz it hurts' when folks usually mean 'vaginal penetration is painful'
I'm sorry that you are suffering with Vaginismus. I have had Primary. I know you said you "tried everything".. Some things maybe you have and haven't tried. I truly do believe that this is treatable for everyone. The length of time and method can look different for everyone. Please don't give up hope. If you are on Facebook please feel free to search the following groups: Vaginismus Support and Vaginismus Solutions and Support. Feel free to pm me on Facebook and talk to me. Maybe you have but there may be somethings that you haven't thought about. I used to think I was a helpless case . Tried the dilators and numbing creams. But I did eventually find my method of treatment.
https://www.facebook.com/gr...
and
https://www.facebook.com/gr.... Please don't give up hope. you are right that this article did share a very good message to us that suffer. I hope you find your treatment method.. Hugs <3
None of the conditions she suffers from should rule out sex there are treatments available. I know this for a fact that with the right treatment you can find a way to be able to overcome this. The author should keep persisting at finding same. Articles like these are not helpful for the ones suffering from above conditions
While I agree there are different ways to treat the condition and Vaginismus is highly treatable. Sometimes finding the right treatment can be difficult. Until finding the right combination, right person, or right what works for the individual can take some time. I'm not so certain she is giving up. However, kuddos to her that she found someone whose going to love her and be with her while she does continue her journey. I think its a good reminder to us all that intercourse isn't the end of a chance at happiness. I'm further in my journey and now have two children. I still think this is a well thought out article. Sorry that you didn't find it helpful.