Two years ago I met the most amazing man. It was like I dreamed him up and breathed life into him.
He would buy me flowers, make me coffee every morning, he listened to my every hope and dream.
I had never had feelings like this before. It was all consuming. I had found my soulmate, and he had found me. My life was going to be everything I hoped for I was going to grow old with this man. We took our children to the shops and picked an engagement ring. It was perfect. I knew that he was ‘the one’.
A few weeks after this my world would fall apart in spectacular fashion and I would learn that the man I loved didn’t exist and that he was in fact stuff of nightmares….
One night he handed me one of his kids iPad’s, after being in my hands for less than five minutes it started beeping. I thought to myself ‘oh no, silly has left his imessages on’ so I went in to turn them off. What I found would be the beginning of the end.
I was in love, I thought that after all these years I had finally found the man that was made for me. Image via iStock.
There were messages to numbers I didn’t know, when I opened them up I realised they were to other women and contained naked pictures of him, and details of his ‘sexcapades’. There was also a reference to an email account.
When I confronted him that night about the messages he denied ever cheating, even though he had explicitly detailed what he wanted to and had done to these women. He looked me in the eye and lied, he didn’t even flinch.
Over the next day I managed to hack into this email account ‘that didn’t exist’.
He had tried to deactivate the account, but as many of you know nothing can just be deactivated these days and I reactivated the account. A code was sent to his mobile, I asked him to send it to me if he had nothing to hide. After four hours of procrastination and indignant denials he sent me the new password to the reactivated account.
No surprise at all when I noted that there was nothing in the account, everything had been deleted.
Well as we all know nothing on the internet is gone forever. I managed to recover in only a matter of seconds every email ever deleted. What I found was something beyond my wildest dreams.
Over the next day I managed to hack into this email account ‘that didn’t exist’. Image via iStock.
Eleven years of emails, going back to when he was married before he had kids. Thousands of emails, hundreds of women. He had been cheating for years, he had never been faithful, not for a minute.
Unfortunately it got worse, there were emails to strangers where he had sent naked pictures of myself, his ex and his ex wife. Without our consent he had turned us into porn stars.
We were on websites and in chat rooms. We had been degraded in the worst possible way by the man we trusted most.
We had been reduced to sex objects, objectified and vilified by men we had never laid eyes on.
I was humiliated, I couldn’t believe the man I trusted and loved with all my heart could do this to me, that he could do this to the mothers of his children. Not only were we made into porn stars in cyberspace, but he had started sending pictures of us to people we knew.
"He had started sending pictures of us to people we knew." Image via iStock.
To friends, people I had everyday contact with. My dad was confronted by a work associate advising him that there were rumours of us having threesomes. That he was using my picture to procure threesomes.
People were talking about me behind my back and I had no idea. I was totally unaware of what was happening to my image and how it was being degraded by the one man I trusted most.
Even when he was confronted he denied it. I was so under his spell that I believed him, even though I had seen evidence to the contrary I started believing him.
I was desperate to believe him. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing the love of my life, to have had the last two years mean nothing. So I pushed it down, deep down and tried to move forward.
Women confess the last text they received from their ex. Post continues after video...
We moved into a new house, things got worse, he became aggressive, agitated by being caught out and having to make up for it.
He couldn’t make it up, I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t trying. Why didn’t he want to make it right, why was he being harder on me, why was he pushing me away more.
Didn’t he love me? The truth was he didn’t know how to live without his addiction, and by learning his secret I had taken it away from him. He couldn’t act out behind the scenes and it was killing him. He kept pushing me further away.
Two weeks after moving I contacted his ex-girlfriend who we had taken an AVO out on, as he had told me she was psycho and keyed my car.
It turns out he had been sleeping with her too in the first eight months of our relationship, he hid me for the first six months and then for the last two (before we got the AVO) he told her he was coming back to her.
She tried to warn me about him, she had photos and recorded conversations from there time together. He had ruined her in order to save his dirty little secret.
When I found this it broke my heart. I had facilitated in ruining another person. I felt sick with all the things she told me. That was the day I realised that there was no fixing this.
"I felt sick with all the things she told me. That was the day I realised that there was no fixing this." Image via iStock.
He was not a man I could live with and trust. He didn’t deserve my heart.
I now live with my parents, the life I had is gone. I am a shell of my former self. I am heartbroken. I am confused. I miss and love him, but the man I love and miss isn’t real. He never existed. I cant sleep, I cry when I smell something that reminds me of the life I had. I see the pain and confusion on the faces of my children and it breaks my heart, that I let them fall for this, that I let them live a life of lies.
There is so much more to this story, but I cant bring myself to put it into words, because then it is real, and I am not ready for it to be real. I am not ready to accept everything that I have been through, the humiliation, the degradation. I allowed someone to take personal and private pictures of me, I took them for him. I trusted that he would keep them to himself.
I am exposed because I consented to having my picture taken, even though it was in a private setting (my home) and was between us only. The law has not yet caught up with the internet and our current times. So I must ensure this, without legal recourse.
I know there is more to come, that he is not done, that he will destroy me further. The humiliation that has begun is not over and there is nothing I can do but endure it.