You see, in New Zealand, the people have very little to worry about – and it was becoming awkward for them.
They have a Jacinda Ardern whose hobbies include a) not being racist and b) fixing problems, which has left them with not a whole lot to argue about.
But the people were becoming… antsy.
Why do the United States get to fight all the time? How come Australia gets to yell at their politicians for keeping refugees on Nauru? WHAT DO WE EVEN HAVE TO FIGHT FOR? the Kiwis asked themselves.
So one man took the lead, posting to Reddit this week, “How does NZ arrange the cutlery drawer?” and no.
“My whole life I’ve gone with the (L-R) fork, knife, spoon configuration (teaspoons below) but have stayed places where knives are on the far left.
“What’s the setup at your place?” he asked.
Are you trolling us? Because that is simply not how you… cutlery.
The people were divided but also mobilised.
Here are the camps:
Forks to Spoons
Why are you… so obsessed with forks tho?
There is a demographic that believes forks go to the far left which is ridiculous but also embarrassing for them.
They rationalise that the fork goes to the left of the table setting and therefore it’s intuitive.
These people are contrarians for the sake of being contrarians. They do other stupid things, like step into a lift and stare at the wall rather than turning around to face the door. They walk toe first rather than heel first. They wear pants as tops and tops as pants and shoes as gloves and gloves as shoes.
They should be arrested.
Large Knives To Spoons
These people are good and also trustworthy.
They know that knives go to the far left, because that’s the compartment with the most room.
They also know that FORKS DON’T NEED TWO WHOLE COMPARTMENTS THAT’S RIDICULOUS.
It’s obviously knives that are in desperate need of two compartments given the substantial difference between a steak knife and a butter knife.
Yes, I know there are cake forks, but how f*cking often does someone need a cake fork and you can eat cake with a normal fork I’ve tried it like 11 times and it was more than functional.
Some people like to give themselves an anxiety disorder FOR NO REASON and I can’t even look at them right now.
One contributor in the Reddit thread wrote, “All knives, forks and spoons in a pile, with measuring cups and spoons stuffed at the back… utensils etc. all shoved in so you have to dig everyone out again to find something,” and WHY THO.
These people are the type who walk down the street and stuff is falling out of their handbag like tampons and safety pins and a cheese grater. They don’t have designated spots in their wardrobe for jeans/t-shirts/pyjamas. They all just kinda get thrown in. Don’t even ask them about a linen closet.
They don’t hang towels up and all their shampoo/conditioner is half tipped over on the shower floor. They don’t make their bed mostly because it hasn’t had a sheet on it for two months.
Don’t get too close to them. They are a tornado who will also ruin your cutlery drawer and the drawers of everyone you love.
The other… issue