"The worst thing I've ever done to my face"

I’d like to take you back in time, to a fateful winter’s day two years ago.

I was getting ready for a race meet held in my home town (only the single biggest social event of the year) when my day turned from happily tipsy to horrendous.

I’d woken up pre-prepared.My hair was washed, my skin was spray tanned and my teeth were freshly whitened. The day was going smoothly. My favourite part of going to social events is getting ready beforehand, anyway.

5 things you should never do the day of a big event

Music playing, champagne in hand… or all up in my mouth, whatever.

After setting out my required beauty products for the day (all 456 of them), I was ready for hair and makeup. I had blow-dried and straightened my hair to within an inch of its life and was proceeding to make up my face. The base coat went on without a worry. Either my makeup skills were impeccable and I was looking fabulous, or I was on the express train to drunk town.

When it came to my eyes, I couldn’t remember whether to put my false eyelashes on before or after eyeshadow and liner. My plans halted for a minute while I Googled what the hell I should be doing. After some heavy research, I realised I should finish my whole look and then put my lashes on last. After bronzing my cheeks, the moment of truth arrived… eyelash time.

“I wear false eyelashes every day. Here’s how to put them on, perfectly.”

Now, just for some background info, I wear contacts on a daily basis. Blind. As. A. Bat. This means I have to wear special fake eyelashes that don’t use glue and already have the sticky stuff on them (yay).

I popped the lashes on my first eye – nailed it. Seriously, it couldn’t have gone better.

The second eye will haunt me forever.

My eyelashes - in happier times.

I was pressing down here and there, hoping the lashes would stick to my eyelid. Tick. Examining the finished result in the mirror, the lashes looked far too long and fake... so the murder weapon was brought into the bathroom.



My reflection stared back at me as I took a deep breath, steadied my hand and began to chop away at the fake lashes on my right eye. After some miniscule trims, I thought they could be shortened just that little bit more.

That 'little bit more' included the fake lashes... and all of my real lashes. Every. Last. Hair.

Before the massacre.

The screaming began. My eyelashes looked like the prickly leg hair that grows back two weeks after shaving. They were so short they were sticking out like arrows telling me where to walk. I'd show you a picture - but it's just too mortifying.

I yelled for my mum, who came running. She laughed and laughed until she realised I wouldn’t have eyelashes for around a month (I panic googled ‘rate of eyelash hair growth’).

After contemplating removing my left lashes to level out the lack of hair on both sides of my face, Mum told me I should invest in some fake lashes for just a little bit longer.

The great Silky Mit disaster of 2014

Little bit longer my ass. I wore fake eyelashes FOR THREE WEEKS. For almost a month I walked around living a lie.

I got compliments about how great my eyes looked, all the while praying the wind wouldn’t rip them off mid-conversation. Those three weeks helped me understand the true necessity of eyelashes. They are not just for show, my friends - they stop weird stuff getting in your eyes.

In the end, my eyelashes grew back and returned to protecting my eye, feeling fresh and revitalised after their near-death experience. But they have never quite curled the same way... Surely I couldn’t do too much damage with an eye-curler, right?

Want your eyelashes to look longer without the risk of cutting them off? Try these 9 lengthening mascaras...

Have you ever put your makeup on while drunk? How did that work out for you?

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