weddings

"You're making us feel worse." A message to the brides venting in our private wedding group.

This time last year, I joined a Facebook group for newly engaged brides-to-be after a friend suggested it to me. The group is a local one, small and only with a few thousand women. 

When I first became a member, I was filled with dizzy excitement. I posted about my proposal and how surprised I was, and was met with a chorus of congratulations and well wishes. After talking the ears of my friends off, I felt like I had found my people. 

As the months went on and my fiancé and I started planning our wedding, I frequently consulted the group for advice. Where is the best place to find bridesmaid dresses? What is a reasonable price for flowers? How did you decide on your guest list? 

Watch: Things people never say at weddings. Post continues below.


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These women were helpful, full of answers and it was a nice place to not only ask for help but share in the joy as we all simultaneously ticked off our to-do-lists for our special days. 

That was until March this year when the coronavirus pandemic hit, taking away all of the fun and excitement we were all feeling along with it and instead replacing it with fear, worry and angst. 

The group went silent for a few days as we all came to terms with postponements and even cancellations, but not long after, the posts started to return. Only now, the mood had completely changed. 

One panicked bride after another was trying to console another panicked bride as restrictions and updates were changing week to week and sometimes day by day. After the constant negative slew of messages from brides facing a barrage of problems, from issues with vendors, to chasing refunds and fluctuating capacities, a group admin stepped in. 

"Here is a thread dedicated to COVID-19 for any brides wanting to chat about their current situation. Let’s try to keep the rest of the group as positive as we can," it read. 

It was flatly ignored and upset message after upset message continued. The group quickly turned into a pit of negativity and at this point, I really should have left. But instead I stayed and continued to get more and more concerned for the fate of my own wedding with every single message I read. 

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A common trend became brides posting their wedding date, offering a few details around size, location and where guests were coming from, and then questioning if their date would be 'safe'. As if these women would know the answer.

Initially, the dates started in April and continued to spread into the second half of the year. They would transpire into threads of strangers speculating and offering their thoughts. 

"Oh, that’s a bit close, I don’t know if you’ll be able to go ahead."

"Stay positive! Thinking of you, I’m sure you’ll be able to have your wedding it might just look a little different."

"I was around this date and we’ve decided to postpone until this time next year..."

Messages like this just went on and on with no basis in anything besides a stranger’s thoughts behind a keyboard. Each time I read these comments, I felt upset and agitated and would end up questioning my partner. 

"Our date will be okay right? This woman in the wedding group is getting married before us and is already thinking about postponing. Should we postpone? Or should we wait?" I would throw my concerns at my fiancé. 

He suggested I leave the group because listening to all of these brides venting was obviously doing me more harm than good. 

It wasn’t until a woman posted about postponing her wedding that was set to happen on the exact same date as us that I completely lost it.

I became a puddle of tears and was convinced that because some woman who I didn’t even know had moved her date so surely, we’d have to do the same. It was after this point that I realised how ridiculous it was getting and made the choice to leave the group. 

The brides who are venting in these groups to strangers on the internet have just as much idea about what will happen as the rest of us, and are just making it harder and harder for us all.

So if you happen to be one of the brides doing this, please stop. It’s not making you feel better, and it’s definitely not making those reading your comments feel better. Talk to your close friends, your family, your fiancé and come up with a plan for your wedding day. 

Don’t vent your frustrations to an equally fragile group of women on the internet, it’s only making them feel far worse.

Feature Image: Getty.

The author of this story is known to Mamamia but has chosen to remain anonymous for privacy reasons. The feature image used is a stock photo.

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