Would you (should you?) say ‘I do’ again after 10 years of marriage?

PR powerhouse Roxy Jacenko is renewing her wedding vows with husband Oliver Curtis after going through a rough period. It has us talking… is vow renewal something all couples can benefit from?

The 10-year marriage renewal is the latest ‘in’ thing – and not just with celebs, but us ‘normal’ people.

It does initially seem like a bit of a show-off-silly idea but, on reflection, I think it’s a damn good one.

If you got married early – and by early I mean within the first 18 months (it takes at least three years before you really know someone, surely?) – you had no idea what you were getting yourself into.

Pledging to ‘love, honour and (does anyone really say this anymore?) obey’ is a breeze when you’re in the hormone-fuelled, crazed infatuation period because you’re blissfully unaware of what circumstances you’ll be doing any of this in.

Ditto pledging to forsake all others when you’re both still on (semi-)best behaviour, firm in flesh and seeing a gloriously air-brushed reflection of yourself in each other’s idealistic eyes.

That’s puppy love.

Loving someone 10 years in is real love.

We talk about ‘unconditional love’ (I’ll love you no matter what you do) but even mothers, the experts at this, struggle now and then.

Does unconditional love exist? Image via Tumblr.

I think the closest thing you get to ‘unconditional love’ romantically is still loving someone after a decade of living and being together, seeing and accepting every quirk, habit and idiosyncrasy.

That’s quite a compliment - and even more so if you’ve brought up children together and still able to smile rather than snarl first thing in the morning.

There’s another bonus to renewing vows that far in - you can write totally different ones.


This time firmly grounded in reality…with loads of conditions attached.

“I promise to continue to love you IF you stop being a grumpy old sod when you’re stressed, tell your Godawful mother we’re not spending every Sunday of our lives listening to her carry on about the roast and lose 10 kilos because it’s hard enough being a parent, let alone a single parent.”

Just think of the sex clauses you could include!

Is there anything wrong with a sexless marriage, really? Three women discuss, on Mamamia Out Loud. POST CONTINUES AFTER AUDIO...

“I promise to have sex with you on Saturday afternoons but only if you do all the dishes for a week beforehand and massage my feet for a minimum of 40 minutes a night. Each session is to be preceded by a minimum of half an hour of foreplay (to be specified depending on what I’m in the mood for at the time).”

The more I think about it, the more I like it.

Perhaps couples who don’t fancy forking out for another dress and splashing cash they don’t have, should stage their own little commitment ceremony in the lounge, where they hash out the terms and conditions for the next 10  years during the ad breaks of Googlebox.

Not a bad idea, eh? So ...

Good reasons to justify why you're renewing your vows 10 years later:


The photos from your first wedding were shocking and you’ve since lost two stone

Your wedding was truly cheesy or you're too embarrassed to admit you got married underwater

You’ve been through a rough time together but emerged, victorious, the other side.

Not so good reasons to justify it:

You’ve got lots more money now and want a reason to show off.

All your friends are doing it.

You want an excuse to post glam pictures on your 20 different social media accounts

There’s a dress you’ve got your eye on that’s horrendously expensive but you could justify buying it if it was a 'wedding' dress (actually, move this to the 'acceptable' pile. If you want it that badly, get the damn thing!)

Renewing vows isn’t legally binding, so anyone can do it - your granny, your kids, any local celebrity you can rustle up.

And remember:

Don’t expect presents (no, you really mustn’t), don’t have fake ‘bridesmaids’ and ‘best men’ and don't even think about having a hen or stag do.

They were bad enough first time around.

For more of Tracey's views on life, love and sex, visit