Something very strange is happening in Cotton On stores right now.

You guys, something super bloody weird happened this morning.

It turns out Cotton On (a true blue Aussie brand) is supporting THE ENEMY.

Well, kind of. You see, I was wandering around aimlessly before work and stumbled into Cotton On’s Melbourne Central store.

Cheap jumpers! I delighted. And crop tops that would be repelled by the cheese toastie I ate 20 minutes ago! And charity tote bags! It’s all such cheap, Aussie fun!

I just love Cotton On so freaking mu….

WHAT THE F*CK IS THIS? (Image supplied)

Excuuuuuuuuse me?


Yep. An Australian brand - in an Australian store - in the middle of the OLYMPICS - has a collection dedicated to the AMERICAN TEAM.

'Stay calm!' I told myself. 'The good ol' green and gold is probably displayed on this si...

LOL NOPE. (Image supplied)

Okay. More USA stuff. Some of which even reads "busy winning gold".

At this point, my patriotic heart was beating a bit too fast, and I started to see little black dots everywhere.

I spun around the mammoth display, hungry for the warm embrace of my native colours. Okay, so there's a shirt dedicated to the Rio Olympics. And another about Brazil. Aaaaaaand then a bajillion more items in honour of Team USA.


Oh look! I'm in the United States! (Image supplied)

I clearly looked like a woman who'd just had a Chinese throwing star hurtled at her stomach, because a bouncy retail assistant hurried over to ask if I was okay.

ME: Hi. I'm okay thank you! I'm just wondering where the Australian Olympic stuff is?

RETAIL ASSISTANT: Oh! We don't have any Australian stuff. We do have PLENTY of Team USA and a couple of Rio tees, though!

ME: Oh okay, thank you. But I am confused, isn't Cotton On an Australian brand?

RETAIL ASSISTANT: Yeah, we are! I guess that is a bit weird then, isn't it? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Well, let me know if you need anything!

Yep, not A SINGLE THING was for our green 'n' gold champs.

The chipper employee bounced away, and I was left to browse the many caps, tees, trackies, backpacks and embroidered denim jackets that Cotton On is stocking for the USA.

While I don't hate the US (or Americans) by any means, stocking another country's memorabilia at this time is a little strange.In desperation for answers, I reached out to the company. Their spokesperson told me:

The product that you’ll have seen at our Melbourne Central store today is not part of the Cotton On Group’s Olympic Heritage range but Cotton On’s June/July range which features products inspired by the United States’ Fourth of July Holiday, alongside our licensed Mickey Mouse collection.

Fair enough, but that doesn't exactly explain the "USA TEAM" and "busy winning gold" items...

Kyle Chalmers' grandparents cheering him on is everything:

Video via Channel 9