Perth blogger Constance Hall has described an unwanted sexual experience she had been “too ashamed” to tell anyone about.
In a candid social media post, the mum told her followers the #MeToo movement and discussions of consent had got her thinking about her own sexual experiences and what sex had meant when she was younger.
She also shared a chilling memory that typifies just why these discussions need to take place.
“I remember waking up to a man having sex with me, too ashamed over how much I had drank and not being able to remember how we ended up in bed, I didn’t tell anyone,” she wrote.
Listen: Tracey Spicer joins Holly Wainwright and Rachel Corbett to deep dive on why the #metoo movement has kick-started a new way of thinking worldwide. (Post continues.)
Hall said rather than confront the man she “gathered my things, even thanked him for a fun night and ran”. She also said she felt how others’ saw her prevented her from reporting the encounter as sexual assault.
“I felt that my reputation as a party girl cancelled out my ability to be a victim. How stupid is that?”
“So I find the spotlight on consent a much-needed one.”
Hall said that because in her youth “consent” wasn’t in their vocabulary, “a lot of misconduct and rape was overlooked”.
The mum and step-mum to six children – with one on the way – pondered how in 2018, parents can best teach their children about sex and consent, saying she wasn’t sure she agreed with some suggestions, such as an app that logs consent.
However, one theory she agreed with came from an unnamed doctor and a father “trying to steer his teenagers into the direction of safe and healthy consensual sex”.
“His theory”, she said, is “a lot of this comes down to respect.”
“We need to teach our children to only embark on a sexual encounter with someone they respect.
“Respect their body, their wishes, respect them.”
Hall then recounted another harrowing sexual experience, though this time not her own, but that of a girl she knew as a teen.
“I come from an area where the “cool guys” would sleep with anyone, I remember two of them had a threesome with a girl they had no respect for.”
Hall said the girl had thought by taking part she would be given “a little bit of the ‘special’ that these boys appeared to ooze” or earn her a place in their circle.
“But it didn’t. They told everyone every detail and never spoke to her again.”
Hall pointed out that the awful scenario could have been avoided if the respect rule has been put into practice.
“Yes, there was consent to that threesome, but there was no respect at all.”
“Consent is a huge topic that can’t nearly be summed up in one Facebook post, but I know that the first thing I’ll teach my children about it when the time comes will be respect.”