Constance Hall’s excellent response to being called a jobless stay-at-home-mum has us cheering.
Earlier this week, Australian writer Constance Hall posted on Facebook, sharing with her followers a conversation she’d had with a local cafe owner.
Constance wrote that he referred to her as a stay at home mum, and said she didn’t have a job.
Over the course of the conversation, Constance delivered him an excellent smackdown and highlighted the curious double standard women face.
Dick head (her words, not ours, though we don’t necessarily disagree with her characterisation of him), “your [sic]a stay at home mum”
Me “no I’m not”
Dick head, “well you are, you don’t have a job”
Me “well I don’t stay at home and mum all day either. What do you do?”
Dick head “I’m a cafe owner.”
Me, “so your [sic] a cafe owning dad”
Dick head, “What?”
Me, “Well if parenthood hasn’t stolen your identity why should it steal mine? I go to the beach, I teach my kids and their friends how to paint, I have coffees, love eating out and make half arsed meals for my family amongst other things.”
Dick head, “so what do you want to be called”
Me, “Queen will do”
Constance’s question, “Well if parenthood hasn’t stolen your identity why should it steal mine?” is on point.
Working fathers are not referred to working dads, and men who don’t have children are not questioned about their childfree status.
It’s not a new observation, but it’s an important one. It’s only women that are described in terms of their status as a woman and mother, and it’s part of what
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I thought that was what we were SUPPOSED to call mums-who-do-not-work-in-paid-employment? Did I miss a memo?
Calling woman by their actual names is fine.
It is, and that goes for anyone of any gender in any profession. People are referred to by their position all the time. Isn't that why there is has been such a big thing about recognising being a SAHP as being a job? But nothing in what Connie has shared says that.
Every second thing you read is about how being a SAHM is the hardest job ever and should be treated as such. But now suddenly we don't say someone is a SAHM?
There could be a whole heap more to the conversation, but from what she shared, what did he say that was so offensive?
I agree with the author's last comments: "Working fathers are not referred to working dads, and men who don’t have children are not questioned about their childfree status." I don't refer to myself or anyone else as a "working mum" because no dad is ever referred to as a "working dad".
I do refer to myself as a mum and a do refer to myself as a lawyer because I am both those things. I also refer to myself as a sister, a daughter, an aunt and a all the other roles that I make up my life.
If a being called a SAHP in terms of it being someone's job is not okay, you're basically saying they're unemployed. It's not about parenthood taking your identity, its about your lifestyle and work choices.
This post has been liked on FB by many of my friends, who do nothing but talk about their children. Irony.