I was a late starter. No, I wasn’t late to start walking or talking. I didn’t start school late. I was late to lose it. Yes, IT! I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 22.
This wasn’t because I was hideously ugly. In fact, I was a reasonably good looking young man. I will admit to being shy, but it didn’t stop me having many female friends. In fact I had more female friends than male friends in my late teens. I can’t really explain why it took me so long to have a sexual relationship. I think it was purely a mixture of chance and circumstance.
For me, being a virgin at 22 was extremely debilitating. I felt unwanted and unloved. I felt like an impostor in a world of adults. What’s worse, the older I got, the more I felt I had to hide my virginity. It was like a vicious circle. My virginity fed my lack of confidence and shyness to the point where I shut myself off from my friends and family. The idea of asking a single girl on a date or of having a social life of any kind became an impossible goal for me. I think that’s why I ended up having an affair with a married woman…
Now I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. This wasn’t a Mrs Robinson situation where I was seduced by an older woman. In fact, I was six months older than she was (but years younger in experience and maturity). We had met through work two years before. We were quite good “office friends” in so far as we would have lunch together at work and chat about stuff. She had married young and soon became pregnant. When it came time for her to go on maternity leave, she asked me to help her carry her stuff down to her car. Just before she got in her car to drive away, we had a “moment”. It was unexpected and strange, and though we said nothing, we both suddenly became aware that we had feelings for each other. We had suddenly realised how much we meant to each other and how much we’d miss each others company.