Inner-city inhabitants are no strangers to frequent cockroach sightings, but as I’ve recently discovered, our fellow city dwellers aren’t just after forgotten food.
My roach revelation occurred on a standard Sunday night. I’m home alone, watching I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. The spirit of Charlotte Dawson just made a cameo in the form of a psychic ‘Real Housewife’! I’m clearly hooked, cause I’ve been sitting still in the same position for a while, bare feet on the ground and thus exposed to hungry critters hiding under the couch, when… Ouch! WTF?? A sharp sting pierces my right ankle.
Out of the corner of my eye I see something black scuttle away. HOLY SHIT WAS THAT A SPIDER!? My survival instincts kick in and I make it my mission to hunt that f**ker down and catch it in a jar to show the doctors when I make my grand entrance into the ER.
Luckily I didn't have to make that emergency medical trip because all I found on my hunt was a sheepish, putrid cockroach crawling across the room.
Wait, it couldn't be a cockroach. They don't bite... do they? "YES B***H, THEY DO," says Google, a few seconds later.
"Cockroaches are nocturnal, omnivores insects, and they can eat anything that is edible, and humans are not an exception," a pest control website informs me.