I can’t help it.
I’d describe my decorating style as eclectic. It’s kind of shabby but not exactly chic. There’s an element of dishevelment involved.
I own a lot of… things. I’ve always loved things. I’d hoard marbles and collect stickers as a kid. I had great difficulty parting with stuffed toys.
The other day though, my partner told me our bedroom and my laissez faire approach to organising my things in it sometimes “makes me sad”.
I felt terrible.
I guess I’m a bit of a hoarder. Don’t get me wrong, there are no dead cats slowly decomposing under piles of newspapers in our lounge room. You can’t catch bacterial infections from our bathroom.
However, there are quite a number of things I have hanging around our home, things I’ve hauled from house to house for years, that maybe, possibly, I don’t need anymore.
Here is a small selection of those things. My secret shame.
1. Cheese and chocolate fondue set.
When is a fondue a fon-don’t? When you have never, ever even taken your fondue set out of its box, that’s when.
2. Rolls of old film
I have no idea what’s on these rolls of old film. Absolutely none. I do know that whatever they are, they would have been taken before I was 19 years old, and frankly, it might be best to just let sleeping dogs lie.
3. Crap jewellery
A Girl Scouts charm from my Brownie days (aged eight? 10?), a pair of frog earrings from my frog phase (age: about 12), a pentagram from my brief Wiccan period (an angsty 14; I swear I once voodooed my stepmother into setting her sleeve on fire. MAGICK!) and an ear cuff, from my Sportsgirl stage (still sometimes in it).
4. Sailor Moon alarm clock
This monstrosity hasn’t sung its morning tune for many, many years. Even when my favourite pastime was trading Sailor Moon cards with my best friend, I couldn’t stand the sound it makes.
I don’t know if you’re familiar with the Sailor Moon theme song (how embarrassing for you), but it’s a tinny version of that, interspersed with Ms Moon herself yelling “Wake up!” and “Good morning!” in an impossibly chirpy voice.
I’ve never been a morning person but Sailor Moon had her batteries removed quick smart.
5. What You Wear Can Change Your Life, by Trinny and Susannah.
I’d like to say that this book came to me free from a publisher and I took it for the lolz but actually, from the Berkeleow Books price sticker, it seems I paid the grand sum of $13.95 for it. I probably pored over it and wondered whether I could get away with a bolero.
The fashion is laughably dated and the writing is also delightfully bitchy. “If you’re looking for Mr Right, get rid of those clothes that make you look like you’ve always got your period.” It’s good advice.
6. Outdated electronics
These items (an old hard-drive from a crashed computer, my beloved discman, Discy, a camera that takes four mega-pixel photos and an iPhone 3 with a screen so smashed you can’t see it properly) belong in the Smithsonian.
Yet they remain in my bottom drawer, along with their various charging cords and other paraphernalia.
7. Mix CDs; all other CDs
As my boyfriend has been impressing on me for quite some time, CDs are now defunct. My laptop doesn’t even have a disc drive. None of these CDs are labelled, except for helpful things like #2 or Alex’s Mix but I can tell you what’s on them. AWESOME TUNES, that’s what!